20081215

Love; like.


Love is a little bit vice, it wants you selling yourself but with happiness. It's the libra between ethic and evil, with virtue and fault. When you fall in love just like sitting on the seesaw. Like is similar sands. It's like the dense feeling that you hold in hands but lost it gradually; it always lacks of barycenter in the reality, such as you are fascinated something.

I love walking. I like riding. I love the paper smelling. I like the ground. I love books and magazines. I like writing. I love gobbling up. I like touching the surface of basketball. I love Pantone formula guide. I like my mobilephone revealing the message. I love suede. I like colour pencils and the stamp of ink. I love music. I like stationery. I love the sun blinking his eyes to me through the curtains
in Sunday morning after I played outside whole night. I like oversleeping. I love drinking pulp juice. I like cutting my nails. I love to travel without planning. I like lights. I love the classics which I believe. I like maps. I love YES. I like Bauhaus. I love shaving. I like sunglasses. I love unwittingly. I like reading the book while I go to the poo before shower. I love obsreving. I like surking. I love picking the flyers. I like blankets. I love doting my love. I like reading erotic novels. I love french kiss. I like sitting on the first line of double seat beside the wall on th bus. I love my family squabbling joyfully. I like stepping on the stairs. I love watching NBA. I like getting on the net. I love listening music with big earphone. I like the notebook blank white. I love the fresh room after turning on the dryer whole day long. I like pretending seriousness. I love printing. I like watching the trailers and movie worked lists. I love the heat full of my body when i am conscious of that I am creating something amazing. I like slipping out of my works. I love MTV channel on Saturday 3 am. I like cactus. I love boiled spicy sausages and ribs. I like soft erasers. I love the sight of puppy. I like the moment of candy multing in my mouth. I love sweating and taking the rest on the ballcourt while it dry by the winds blow. I like lining down at the afternoons. I love going to the school. I like left-hander. I love I got money full of pockets but have no desire to spend it. I like post stamps. I love the sex in the morning. I like going to the supermarket, bookstore and recordstore shopping. I love the pillow, quilt and bed fluffy. I like my coffee adding sugar and no cream. I love concentrating. I like singing the songs, handing the album and listening the music at meanwhile. I love shoes. I like spying the nicknames on the MSN. I love Apple. I like making the notelet on my notebook. I love the glasses of water cup. I like aligning. I love the way my parents look I gobbling. I like the club with bar. I love lurking amorous. I like checking the dictinary. I love simply only. I like indulging.

We can own plenty of likes. Like can be adjusted but we won't be able to know its correction or not. Love is so private. Love can be merely sacrificed, and let it controls yourself physically and mentally. If love occurs to me in the last minute, I wish the like is ought to practice invisibility.


*Translative version from the used article.

I am the foreign in whole world whether where I am.


我突然領悟到不論我在哪段時間何種環境,我永遠像局外人(outsider)書中一樣,冷眼旁觀的看著這個世界,站在圈外,以盡量不涉入的姿態存活。而我周遭的一切像是天體行星一般,呈一定的距離彼此環繞,有禮的保持著,永恆地無法接觸親近。

20081210

臨界點。


起飛與降落的交接處。

20081126

The heart of transmittance


I was fucked up, yet I could be able to be nowhere. To stick in this country, this town, this room and this body. It's really long time that I haven't been like this situation, or I may never be like this before. And the worst part is not just for the present which is the memory to stay in the basement of my mind, and I open it that I recognize all the imagination I created like a mirage. Then I find It that's invisible and may never exist in the reality; or I assume to live in the Laputa that causes I feel flowing in the air, no gravity, and no reason to be seen.

If I could say something without using the words, I would prefer to sing the song. The song has to be sung front of people that indicates I can stand on the road
aboveboard. No ambagious, no ambiguous; not complicated, not conflicted. It has only the melody with rhythm, like Keith Jarrett playing the piano or I can brief it's the heart of transmittance; bright and clear, pure and peace.

How can I distinguish the cannal of the
chemistry? Where should I go toward in the correct stop? What is the final distination of mystric relation? Who will be the absolute dependence in my limited few decades? People come and go, I stay and walk; one day it's going to appear in the end, but it's not the time to reveal in the neutral.

Life is difficult. More than that is to live like a ghost. A living ghost. A non-sense living ghost is meaningless to be around at the crowding floor. If you can realize what I tell of these trash talks that means you are pretty much the same foolish as myself.

20081117

Dotage


We dance boogie-woogie, we love monkey funky;
we play sticky tricky, we find nippy chilly.

We do
lazy crazy, we are muzzy dozy;
we feel dizzy
sleepy, we dream fuzzy hazy.

20081116

The "Sam"; the "same".


The "Sam" is just the "same".

"The "Sam" looks exactly as "same" as common people; "same" faces "same" bodies, "same" hands "same" feet. The "Sam" has always only one thought, and the thought is always as "same" as ordinary man. The "Sam" speaks just as "same" as the way you talked, very fast and super slow, would be stumblingly and could be fluently. The "Sam" is also as "same" as myself. We eat the meals with air at the "same" time, so our stomaches usually feels uncomforable, or we swollow the foods without chewing, then go to toilet couple times in one moment. The "Sam" is certainly as "same" as him, walking slowly, falls down even the road has no hole, moreover he likes to pretend belonging the family of long leg and is constrained to climb the floor by merely two or three steps.

The "Sam's" hair is not long and not short, the "Sam's" skin is not dark and not blank. The "Sam's" room is not huge and not tiny, the "Sam's" clothes are not bare and not plenty. The "Sam" has works, the "Sam" has holidays; the "Sam" had sex, the "Sam" had dreams. The "Sam" cries, the "Sam" smiles; the "Sam" is anxious, the "Sam" is irascible. All of those aspects in his life are as "same" as common lives which have no different with normal human. The margin and the frequency of his life are all the "same"; the "Sam" has never done anything which is difference. The "Sam" just likes to be exactly as "same" as common man.

The "Sam" cares about the difference, he is afraid to be not the "same" as common people. The "Sam" wants to alive, the "Sam" wants to die. The "Sam" likes to killing, the "Sam" likes to hybridizing; the "Sam" likes stoned, the "Sam" likes drunk. The "Sam" loves someone, and usually the one is as "same" as regular one. The "Sam" also betraies someone whom is as "same" as himself. The "Sam" does the "same" thing. The "Sam" doesn't dare to do the thing that is different. The "Sam's" world only allows the "same".

The "same" is just the "Sam".

*Translative version from the used article.

20081114

Amnesia


Let's talk something about memories. The memories flowing in our mind create certain shapes and patterns to appear in the reality which occurs at our suroundings whether it's truly existence or false appearence. People used to defraud themself. People are good in composed those visionary images to imitate as the beautiful woven gauze dancing in the air, like the fog, that causes the sight easily to be the blurred transparentcy.

The vancant gaps are the spaces that people to choose forgotten. We don't know what's the hole between each other, eventhough we innocently believe rest of the immense dimensions where
have never been examined the reliability. Once of my friend asked me:

"Do you think without the memories that people is still to be human being?"

"Perhaps I should try to be."
I answered.

"To be what?"

"to be not to be anything."

The conversation sounds like simulated Shakespeare saying, but somehow it appeals the complex substance. As well as the interpretation of practicality is so unpredictable, and the contained possibility is indeed low-pitch. I thought about the movie "enternal sunshine of the spotless mind", which showed the pictures that the impulse is the most significant factor to determine the pathway of recollction. When I fall in love with someone, I feel like marching in the maze whether I attempt to going out or not. Therefore, the choice of memory becomes the complicated diversification instead of the easily dualism.

"If we can't remember it all, we should at least have some idea of what we have forgotten." Clive James said so. However, if we have already forgotten something that are forgotten whether we would like it to be remembered
or not; how can we ensure it is the certain memories that we want to recall, or in other words, to be lost?

20081103

Suddenly, I realize the meaning of people crying.


Why am I crying so? I thought I am not so emotional anymore, but the tears still drop by to the cheek, unstoppable, til the coner of the mouth. Friends said I always constrain myself. I always give back a smile to them. I realize somehow people cannot be judged by a simple way, especially from a easy result.

I miss almost everything in my home town. However, I am also glad I can push this far away distance to look through whether my surroundings or myself. I wrote the letter to my brother. He is a tough guy, as same as all my family members no matter who is male or female. Last time I saw the tears droped from his eye that is more than fifteen years ago, and I understood I could never be the way of his crying by any sort of method.


Now I sit front the dining table of my Dutch home, the song in my iTune is frequently playing with slight winds; and I am on the road which cannot return such as the time would not be switched back again. Independence day, Elliott Smith is singing the meanful lyrics with magnetic sounds.

20081102

Exist


Somehow I felt I could only write down all the vocabularies and phrases that I knew; with regard to those feelings and vibrations that is not my oral abilities to describe it.

I listen music all the times when I am doing any kind of activities. Trying to listen music until I have had the disgusting earwax. Sometimes when you are hearing one song like you see a word long long times; it transforms to other substance. Or like at another afternoon, you recognize youself is not your own ego. The face on the mirror looks like a strange thief stealing your unique body then you attempt to enter yourself by numerous methods but it fails.

The disaster is as same as you cannot identify with youself.

After the bath, the look of resurrection makes me want to stop the times at the moment forever. I would love to take the bath with you at the meantime if I could. Two naked bodies match up perfectly and precisely. Meanwhile it does not matter to feel about good or bad, yes or no, true or fake and beauty or ugly; the love is going to become the black hole, then at the same time the black hole has the meaning to exist.

*Translative version from the used article.

20081031

To the guy:

You are just the passenger of my life, I would not give you a glance of the time.

20081021

ABCDEFGHIJ

J
Please do not show up those minimal and sensitive clues which are behind the truth; if that were not perfect enough yet. Whereas it appeals at the end with awful result, then I can only disapear with nothing but myself.

*Translative version from used article.

20081016

所謂的;

又成就了輪迴。

20081002

Homesickness

I feel lonely. And the worst part is I communicate with myself via foreign language. Unfamiliar. Suddenly, I have no postion to look at this world. Perhaps I've never understood this world. I'm in the between for a long while, western and eastern, warm and cold, tender and cruel, childlish and mellow, autistic and sociable; with happiness and sadness.

Confuse. The verb. Nevertheless I can
react is immediately moving my heart, with my spirit, by my soul. Body is useless, tongue is poorness. I wish I could be brilliant in the beginning, but I present my personality which can only be able to interpret by myself, yet I don't even appreciate myself. "Appreciate", what an ambiguous word.

I miss mom and dad. Especially my father; but the strangeness is I didn't even talk to my dad very often. At home, we talked just few words like " morning; have you had dinner?" Something like that. Such as me and my temporary Chinese landlord. Nothing but nod. However, I really desire to talk to my dad. I don't know, unreasonable.

Maybe at the bone in the blood I'm his son and he is my pa. Gene, DNA, descent; whatever we called, it's distiny, and next time I phone home I'll tell him "don't give the phone to mom, I want to talk to you for a long time, and we won't say so long."

*Photo taken at unknown hotel, Brussell.*

20080817

Orange County; Day 001.

第一天。週日。At Utrecht centraal station I saw couples homeless used the pipe just front the policeman's face; and youth hostel's female reception looks like Dodge Ball's female awful player;高壯,眉毛連成一線的粗濃。店家們休憩著;當然偶爾街上咖啡館內聞來“飯”味飄香。M當勞很貴;薯條鹽巴很少且沾索費的芥末美乃茲。炒麵鹹膩牛肉硬朗;果然老外唐食。Everybody looks chic, everybody looks free。路邊電話亭冒出的禿頂絡腮鬍男子不穿超人服襯洋裝,擦腳指甲油不著鞋,揀地上垃圾不飛天。無所事事地騎車閒晃險迷走。晚間,Strowis' lobby三四款膚色五六種語言傳著。燈火依舊閃爍,風雨片羽滴落。家室還在未知的遙遠邊緣盡處不定。這一夜。

20080816

Last hour of last day.

即將。感激在這曾經對我有所幫助的任何人事物;在這最後一個鐘頭最終一。期待,我們在某夜的某一地點再度眼神相會。而你我的感情將仍像雙腳與大地一般,總是交相碰撞的依舊熟悉,如同過往,彷若今

20080709

Only love can break your heart.


該怎麼說呢?我想我最強的功能性就是使愛我的人傷心吧。曾經朋友給我的星座命盤金星顯示:“願意為他人做任何事,但始終和別人保持一段距離。”有時,不得不認份的對命理感受必須相信的準確神祕。

這陣子搬家與母親發生了些口角,也許是一直以來的持續爆發吧;母親被我氣哭那當下,我只能無神的望著她。而這還不是第一回。雖說如今我稍懂得用文字訊息傳送給她安撫其情緒,但罪惡感並沒因此較為輕微。我常想是否越是在乎的人越得對他們蠻橫無理,才能顯示出我對於愛的無法控制與適應。幼時家中是間場子,我極小時已懂得察言觀色;但卻在青春年少後,我的叛逆彷彿要挑戰般地一發不可收拾直到現在似乎都還沒有止歇的跡象。而跟我朝夕相處的父母,想想一定也是點滴在心頭吧。


至於相愛的人,我也常常如斯行事。我的隨興任性與優柔膽怯常常導致自己快一步或慢半拍的展露跟隱藏感情。拿捏永遠玩弄自我於股掌之中。不論年長或年少,在情感的天平下始終歪歪扭扭,動盪不停。由於一向慣於把情緒掩飾在木然的面容下,所以就算開懷快活或痛楚難受,仍舊一臉冷漠模樣。可我還是擁有著熱情。對於愛戀情懷,我還是想要抱持著初衷的心情去接受或付出;只不過近來,我往往連自己都忍受不了的要拋棄;隱隱地呼應自己即將離去這片土地的心境。


我想這是個開始也是結束。正視自己的不堪面,將它放在一處几淨窗明的所在,然後告訴自己,從今後再也不要成為自己,昔日醜惡鏡中的自己;那個對愛無可奈何的,自己。


ps. 標題這歌獻給對“愛”又恨又愛的人;心若還能糾結碎裂的話,也許仍是好的。

20080629

半夜閒置;夜半銜誌。

被狠狠地戳刺了一下。也許是警告我的纖細該妥善收納;或說人生仍很長,世界還很大。但我的躍躍欲試沒有退縮,可能只是分野不同。突然,想要來杯酒,是Whisky single malt的握杯溫柔。在彙整的當下我深深覺得所謂藝術家就是強勢地present他們自我的位置;而設計師則是尋求對話。好或不好多少程度我都知道我目前設計上站的高度;不就是前面還有得跑的路程縱使我現在正喝口水歇杵著。在漸入佳境的搬家尾聲可以聽見夏天在午後正用它一向“浸入”式的感應來侵佔人的皮膚,讓身軀邊緩緩透著溼氣邊對心裡傾訴:“來了,這一循環又來臨了;被柏油掩蓋的土壤也可以發出歡唱,葉子的反光將成為夜裡蟬鳴的投射光束。鳴,停,吟,止;回回皆有不同巧合的曼妙,如同人的邂逅,也似偶然的光羽觸碰。”我總是對於時間敏感的計算,卻不知於盤算之際,其悠悠匆匆早已溜煙飛過。也許身為父母的大智慧經驗法則正被一波波的科技新規所削減,但我想不論何種時代物種,當它血脈的延續被外在因素動搖時,所對抗的力量都是相同程度無須比擬的。夜了,所有的生命跡象一切都是在檯面下進行;我由衷的希望和改變的關係能夠更加成長,更為奔放

20080619

福雖未至,禍已遠離。

快搬厝了;要離家了。心中仍徘徊著好一陣徨恐跟不安。對於家鄉,於異地;於親友,於新交。當然還有更多的難以啟齒,不過那只能盡在不言中地默默等待眼神頻率偶然的交流接觸。

對父母交談總是會產生無法克制的慍怒。也許是種愛恨交織的難受吧;想到彼此之間的距離,如此
疏離緊密相連,像動輒得咎的牽線木偶,只是不知是誰操控了誰;或說誰都想讓那木偶活了起來,成為自我的分身,意志完全成為兩個分遞。

溝通是件永恆的創作
行為。對我來說,不用言語單單以視覺做思想上交換,那是種接近攣生子的神祕默契。我們憑藉著先天的基因與後天環培來當成包袱,包裝著重量級內裡的文化累積,想要向非我族類傳達訊息並使之認同你的論調,這一連串的過程,要是完全歸納成一種邏輯上組織的話;那我得說這包裝得是件甜美的糖衣才行。是服即便明知吞入不知是好或壞,也會讓人產生勇氣嘗試的良品才行。是當下叫人震驚並煦永使人沉澱才行。是內外兼備使人感受到全身悸動的精神體驗,才行。

八月下旬,本週六至夏之後的再兩個循環,屆時我將踏上那號稱橘郡的國土,跟鬱金香搏感情。兩百多年後,由林布蘭與梵谷的角度觀看世界,若有奇情異趣或荒誕不羈,我想要是欣喜大過於驚奇,那刻,也許我能夠完全體驗何為放鬆,“荷”謂生活。

20080517

暗地

我偷偷摸摸地暗自賭了一回;如今還未知結局將會是好或壞。

20080427

“逐漸”的形貌。

家住五樓。每每朋友來訪時,總在攀爬三四樓層過後,就開始氣喘吁吁並眼露詢問之色;彷彿在説:“還沒到麼?我已經開始兩腿痠麻了。”而我常帶著一股驕傲兼歉疚的心情回答:“快到了,就在上頭。”好似我藉由身體的鍛鍊能強化我心靈的滋長,達成孟子之儒家思惟的實踐;而懷著抱歉內疚的心意則是覺得一般年輕人都會感到有所負擔疲累在這上上下下的樓梯間,更何況我年事已高、病痛纏身的父母。近來,事情似乎開始有點轉變。這間伴我步入成年後第一個十年的屋宇,也許將會邁入另一個開始的終結。

四月過後,我所有目標學校已經全部送出申請,接下來的一兩個月,又要承受焦慮的等待地獄。熟識我的朋友可能會知道,我相對於焦慮,就像魚水油火之間的焦不離孟一般,牽絲掛線地互相折磨彼此。我常想要是有無間地獄,焦慮使者已經磨刀霍霍在那恭候我的大駕,對我施以最猛烈的酷刑;而那時,思慮於我腦中才呈現出真真正正的焦土俱焚了吧。

有朋友開始迎接另一段新感情。姑且不論將來是好或壞,由她口中說出:“我從沒有這麼幸福過。”這句話我察覺到,這段感情對於她應該是好的。不管感情的開始結束長短激烈程度,我想一段感情在醞釀培養形成進行的過程當中,其實自己可以隱隱明瞭這是會怎樣發展的感情;尤其在我們年歲逐漸增長,經歷過種種人生變化無常的事件過後。那些會具體感受到柔韌並能敞開心胸的歡愉,是能夠從蛛絲馬跡不值一晒的生活瑣事發現;然後我們孜孜在念的稱作昔日甜蜜,或說今天的美好。

我與上一隻手機
在騎車途中經歷一場大雨的馳騁過後,換了現在這隻手提電話。這伴我近四年的手機雖不是什麼名牌大廠也沒有啥特殊功效,但它還是跟我一起走過這幾年風風雨雨的日子。如今只要我焦點稍不注意在它身上,它就自顧自地睡眠休憩,好像它這幾年來的辛勞,想要一次補足;看來,它的接班人是該尋覓,可我卻還依戀過往不肯離棄。

二十號是農民曆上“穀雨”的日子。在這Al Gore
也出來嘰哩咕嚕綠色環保的年代,舊時的黃曆似乎失去了功能性。這些紀念從前別具用途的日子,現在失了平衡後,皆都亂了套。一切的優美詞藻與渾厚內涵在新世紀的戲劇性氣象下,像是冰河時期的三葉蟲,今日全都不再有意義。在這麼急遽的變化所能讓人了解的也只不過是那些數字高低與特定頻道的影像控訴,而人們還不是一樣馬照跑、舞照跳。

夜晚,風徐徐吹,雨水分不清是冷氣滴還是上天輕鬆的下。廢話和嘮叨依然持續敲著。垃圾車的祈禱帶出匆忙的腳步提醒人又該到三餐裡的最後一頓。新聞的重複及鍋鏟的炒餚拼拼湊湊。這天的逐漸結尾轉化為明日的正要開端。心中點滴不能盡如願卻也不顯苦楚。愛恨在隔寐之後不過是殊歸同途。

20080410

放肆的午后

沒有人煙。出現不斷重複的對話。誠心地漂流闖蕩仿效交際應酬的口語字句轉化為孤寡的生命體在單獨凝結的氣泡中成長。養分,從來不被給予亦不匱乏。我走下梯又跑上了樓卻完全枉顧時間流失的快活與痛楚。自己不知道。沒有人知道。快活都明瞭。痛楚也明瞭。菸圈的影子極其微薄與孱弱和焦慮及毛躁融為一氣;可沒得跟,蹤。沒,得失蹤。沒,無影無蹤。而我的拿捏永遠走在身後。

20080407

Joyful is companied with the painful, happiness is belonged to faithless.

The unpredictable anxiety occurs in my mind for quite long period. I cannot wipe it whether I attempt to or not. I feel the alienation, yet I can only do nothing but wait it to pass away. In recent time, this sort of condition is more obvious when I hanged out with my friends. And the joyful is companied with the painful, happiness is belonged to faithless.

Although I can pretend that I do not care or nothing happen, but the emotion that I try to hide harder which reveals the contrast to be more clear. Every single day I am thinking about the appropriate position of my ego, but to brief who I am that is not as easy as a pie. Especially in the present of my living time, for my hundred years of contemporary of
mine.

The isolation. The biggest possession of my own. The most valuable experience that I can go through to people. Today, I recognized I am a worm in the sealed pupa
when I woke up in the morning, and the opening date is discouraged unknown day, or even the complete darkness night. The only possible method that I can break the hole which may be as freedom as my imagination whether I am going to become the moth or the butterfly.

I watched the movie "control" in the cinema
this noon again. In addition, I can still sense the determination of suicide in the gloomy scene. The dismal is behind in Ian Curtis' voice, and each piece of lyrics shows the depress. Perhaps Ian just sang before our generation to announce the dour mood of nowadays, and our confusion is our illusion indeed.

20080401

段子.貳

「肏你他媽的機巴王八蛋給我滾~!!!」

我用盡全身力量的吼出去。可以感到脖子附近的筋脈因為用力而暴漲變粗,血液彷彿要穿越皮膚掙脫開來,成為獨自的生命個體;而瞬間卻墜落,死亡。由於
過度使力吶喊,喉嚨聲帶好像砂紙磨損之間的磨擦,既粗糙又細膩。聲音斷斷續續,“ㄣ”的尾音在耳膜之間環繞,嗚嗡嗡的耳鳴迴轉讓人有些暈晃晃的;汗珠也從額頭邊緣緩緩滴下,劃過眉際,流到睫毛尾端和眼角逬出來的兩三滴淚液融合在一塊兒;最後,成為一顆斗大的淚珠,猶如印度神祉的頭鑲珠飾,吊掛在顴骨,成為庇佑最大的諷刺。

由於喊的超出異常地大聲,我不由得稍稍杵著膝蓋低頹輕輕喘氣。在我趁起身前深吸口氣的那一霎那,眼前原本微亮的金星在我眨眼一張一闔的時刻開始轉化成扭曲的星團。一種無以具名的光點。周遭散發更細小的光粒,閃現又消逝;重複,不斷。我幻想如星宇銀河間奔波的景象。那些光一點點成一片片最後籠罩於我全身,呈現在我轉睛不定似假還真的視覺前。我懷疑,卻什麼都不知該不該相信。

「嗚…」我哭了出來。止不住的,決堤似地;連鼻水唾液一股腦兒地一同洩出。哭得像在廣大無垠沙漠中走失的旅人;哭得像弄丟寶貝玩具的孩童;哭得像作物被蝗蟲一夜啃盡的農夫;哭得像不知終日的敗軍之犬哭得像夸夫闢不了天哭得像耶穌復活無望。哭得全世界都在哭泣。哭得單餘下淚水存在。哭得沒有了我。哭得不再是自己。

你躡手躡腳輕巧的過來摟住我,親撫我的胸膛與背頸。用種輕柔地幾乎感受不到的力道摸著。單調且平穩持久的節奏。就摸著,直到我察覺為止,直至我不再啜泣;甚而臉頰泛紅的害羞起來。你接著起身,給了我一吻;輕觸到嘴唇就彈開那樣。
然後留下仍兀自發愣的我,頭也不回的離去。

Image from: M/M Paris.

20080321

脈,絡。

又到選舉。人人又在分門別「號」。所謂的民主或君主體制的實踐誰輸孰贏在過了幾世紀後還沒有個定奪的句號。對這些眾人之事的冷感不只是我感到灰心於這制度;有時,更多的是對人與人之間的不信任與眾志成城的意志感到恐懼的排斥。 從小在這殖民文化灌溉的土壤成長,島國的井蛙心態不斷被放大妄想,卻不知世界上還有更多相較於」的事值得我們去追求或努力。

和父親閒逸的散步是我最能接受與他相處的模式。相信他也這麼認同。 縱使我倆話都不多,但當我快步向前偶一緩慢踱步回身等待他跟上時,那種錯置就像我回到了孩提時期,急忙的想要追上他的背影或被他半拉手的小跑步跟及。微微 移動兩人融合的團體感。而如今,彷若是角色互換的對於時間差異的聯繫,我不會感到不耐,他也不覺得悲哀;我倆的默契對於行進往前的一致性讓我感覺這血緣父 子真正的羈絆。而這種種一切都是真實的。

剛過午夜,我偷偷地又想念了思慕的人。那些被我思念的人們不知是否也在懷念他者。這樣的相思循環要是又轉回了我自身那感應該不該被標的成為一種無可磨滅的痕跡烙印在彼此的思緒。就像是四處流轉的信件被郵差不經意地攆了塊指模;或說隨風飄散的花蕊芯兒遭蟲蟻啃了口洞。思念的包裹給無知的戳章沾染;途中,擁有了眾人的經歷,因而增加更多私密地想像的記憶。

門掩著,風輕聲吹過時門把與門鎖會敲出低八度音的叮叮咚咚。電腦的風扇持續地嗡嗡叫及窗外水管漏水三五秒偶間斷的滴滴響有所唱和,有所互動。如果還有什麼沒得訴說,大概就是今晚未譜出的隱約脈絡。

20080320

Good Night

The loneliness is rising. As though I am near by the sun, which convinces me to be melted into it, or just leaves it far away; as the comet goes far far away.

"Good night." Your typing revealed on the flat screen. Yet I thought there was nothing could be able to compare with the glory morning, which I viewed after the next quarter-hour. With regard to listened the clicking audio on MSN messenger, I missed your voice and breathe front my face more and more. In addition, to compare with your sounds, I desired to see though your sight more often, which had the blurred reflection of mine shadow in the pupil of your eye. This kind of illusion made me wonder that we might
born naturally to be one.

I walked myself on the empty street. There were couples kitty taking catnap on the wall when the orderly still slept in on the bed. I felt I am a King Penguin lost in the vast South Pole. It was not a frozen night but a bit chilled to the bone. Perhaps I deserved to like to jogging on the road in this night.

I forgot I have eaten the
breakfast in the morning or not, which I bought in the shop and put on the dining table in my house. Although now I am lining on the bed, looking the ceiling, caressing the pillow and bedquilt, and imagining the fragrance and temperature that you had been left to; I am in complete ignorance that would you have sleepless wiggle instead of the memories between us or otherwise.



P.S. The upper balcony is the most closeness place to sunshine.

*Translative version from used article.

20080319

派對


存在的片刻繞 起
大風吹的把戲
或站與

就座即

菸捲勾搭呼吸
眼神玩弄肢體
腳巴子跟地板擊掌發出批哩趴啦的嘻笑;
角色扮演達成虛擬實境。
樂捐慷慨地散步於空氣中的點點滴滴;
酣寐促使誘媚點頭行禮。
抵達不了的一見鍾情準備和風聲,口語,呢喃,
發射
同歸於盡的偷襲。
愛總是那一夜那一霎 那
趕不及的惋惜

20080318

“吻”的節錄


她的唇印在他的唇上時,影子感覺那真是奇怪的一吻:不是為他而吻,而是為酒吧裡的其他人,讓他們知道她已經選邊站了。那是表現沙文主義的一種吻。即使她吻著他,他也很清楚,她根本不喜歡他 - 或應該說,不是一般所謂的喜歡。*

*本段文字節錄於美國眾神
尼爾‧蓋曼著。

20080317

design-en-scène

Design Cinema is an exhibition that will be held on November 2008 in Istanbul, Turkey. This discussible conference, themed as design-en-scène, is that they attempt to brief various of aesthetic theories between design and cinema. There are three categories under this issue that are real, hyper-real and virtual, which will be presented by different forms such as thesis, portfolio, proposal, application, performance(live or record), CD-Rom, DVD and so on.

Since we all know there are lots of media that we can apply to our artwork in the multi-function world nowadays. Thus, to combine variety aspects in one simple movie, or indicates viewers what object can classify the common sense of our system of communication, that will be able to the challenge of this meeting.

Sometimes, a coke can shows in a movie that is not just meaning of coca-cola. In addition, a piece of furniture or a frame of poster that is not a fortune to happen in the scene. It is the layout of motivated description.
It is the finest design in director's mind. It is all about personal sense. It is a film director who wants to create social memories to the audiences throughout a kind of group, a type of tribe, a sort of race or a form of culture; no matter it is fabulous or atrocious.

Furthermore, design is same as this occasion. When industrial designers or graphic designers who design their artwork, they also want to convince the consumers that is what they exactly desire to. "Buy" is not only purchasing the product but the concept. "Sale" is
not trading the benefit but the trust. What art is that is not the critical subject in this society. How to talk about art that must be the most significant topic to our community.

There are always a sign on the wall in the law-court called "in
god we trust". As well as some people said they choose to believe love, money, art, technology or even the new sort of religion - media. Therefore, what is the next that we can trust?

20080312

段子

我拉開紗窗走到陽台邊上眺望著,雖然前幾天還是陰雨綿綿晨間起床感覺溼漉的冬日,但今夜卻可以呼吸到草地上枝芽叢生早春的氣息了。她見我在陽台晃蕩,也跟著蹓躂出來。

“你怎跑了出來?”她問。

“你身上有菸麼?給我一根。”

“你不是不抽菸的嗎?”

“癮頭上來時候,感覺胸口總要有煙充斥著才像在呼吸似的。”

“吶。”她從懷中拿出一枝菸,叼著點上火吸了口確定火星在燃燒後,將
遞給了我。

我吸了一口,感覺先是肺裡即刻鼓漲然後一陣氣流衝上腦門帶來了微微昏眩的飄移感。有種不
安全安定感。微瞇著眼熟悉卻不熟識般的瞧著她或穿越她的後方。若有似無地。著。直到後面成為乍看之下像白茫一片細瞄卻是不停閃爍發光的亮點,周遭逐漸融化有如泥狀樣攪和成一塊兒,連她的臉也捲了進去;像漩渦,而沉入深海底的可能是神諭的啟示現場。縱使我從未曾親臨過。

20080307

焦心

鑿空了見底
透了。
隱約的心思 始
終還浮還沉醞釀飄零
加把勁兒,
撩出力呢
散落滿地書頁本冊,
座立翻倒趴臥跪傾 只
為 / 唯物用玩興頭

花草片紙彩誘
恍世不過金魚數圈
繞圜迴。

20080305

No country for old men, nor date for early spring.

是日驚蟄,計算的與人大不相同。

正午時分,在街道馬路上緩飆著我的摩托車,陣陣狂風伴隨沙礫迎面而來;即便緊閉著雙唇,還是依稀可以嚐到微小粒子與舌尖碰觸的感受。雖說早經由新聞報導得知本週將有大陸沙塵暴朝向這國度吹襲;但當晨間出門時候,對窗往頂頭和煦的太陽一望,還是壓根想不著這島嶼與那黃土藉由氣候提醒我其彼此之間羈絆不明的關係。

在五感之中,人們最不能忍受的應該是嗅覺這看不見聽不著碰不得嚐不到的感覺。所以戰爭時生化武器通常循此而侵。武俠小說中,最陰損的通常也是無色無味這門毒物了。可生活上不只如此,許許多多的滿意與不滿足,經常只是一丁點兒眼礙或溺愛,就能併發意料不到的影響。

下午看完了no country for old men,看過Tommy Lee JonesWoody Harrison的演繹後,就會察覺,有的人物或演員終其一生其實都在詮釋同樣的角色;或說他們的型格路線,就是持續不斷地表現某種硬漢本色或詼諧演出。如同法國導演Jean Renoir說過:

“一位導演一生中其實僅僅只拍一部電影,至於其他的影片,都是複製,只不過是著力於那部影片所包含的主題罷了。”

演員何嘗不是。經典角色的重複不在 於他的背景或其表演的故事內容,常常,都是其詮釋的方式令人著迷。我們會為之瘋狂,都因為不只是某人的演誰像誰,更是演誰都是某者了;對於電影,要是導演 是代表之名詞的話,也許演員就是加諸其上的形容詞吧。話說回頭,作家、畫家、藝術家甚至是想到達某種殿堂高度的各行各業之專精,誰不如此呢。


也許萬花鏡所照之眾生乾坤,人間劇場卻齣齣精彩不暇。

20080222

Life Circle

感到疲乏。在持續的焦慮等待與準備,神經緊繃像橡皮筋彈出的拉扯瞬間。於是抓住的只有害怕。朋友說:“即便過去了成功了達到了還是有另一種無助在等著你。”道理我都明瞭,但感知的力量並不會因為了解就會停止。因此專注力逐漸地朝避惰面集結,我只能不讓恍神侵犯盡力抵抗。

過年期間,每天吃著母親籌備的菜餚,心中想的是我還能吃它多久?我在
這個家,這間屋子,這塊土地還有多少歲月能夠逗留發揮多少影響?我似乎不是什麼重要的存在;對於我的周遭改變不了什麼。長久的無力感雖說習慣,但偶爾總會有茫然的擔憂冒出提醒,叫自己看且看

寫些莫名的浮躁字眼似乎再也不能達到自我救贖。興奮的新鮮感已經離我很久未曾交集。近來,最令我欣喜滿足的事莫過於替人做近乎義務的設計小物印出,再來就是作些家務如清理廁所及晒疊衣物,或甚至是挑選朋友生日禮物;當然,如果還有好意思的可以透露,也許是在課堂上學習的過程與球場上指導後輩的感動吧。

無法長久的待在同一間公司與同一位女子身旁雖說嘴上掛著不以為意,但心中的嘀咕卻不時使自己心裡泛著空虛。父親晚婚,與母親生我時已屆四十;我常想雖然自己極力的避免重複與父親的模子,但冥冥中卻有太多的相似處與他疊印。父親極恬靜,話少,年輕時交遊廣闊擁有五湖四海的朋友
但年老後卻一位都沒連絡往往逢年過節只有幾位重情意的老友的電話拜訪,而他也只是虛應過去。住這的幾年,他的身體漸漸不如當年勇健,更是深居簡出,通常只有電視政論人物常伴左右。

我總認為他心中似乎總有種悔恨,如同現今感受的我。或該說我正踏上其老邁的軌道,不過是提早了數十年之途。但在相比擬發覺我倆諸多的共通點之後,我倆卻經常相對無語,共同的目光總是面著那螢光幕裡的人物,不能回應,無言感觸。常想找些話題和他來段交心之談,但總話沒兩句就感到沒來由的怒氣,並非兩人無法有共通的交流,而是在話匣開後,他會以
父親的尊嚴道出一些該如何行為處事的態度,企圖樹立長輩的身分來劃開距離,建造父執的尊嚴。殊不知家人之間的溝通其實應該多像朋友一樣,不須建立在彼此血緣的壓力上,畢竟每天生活在同個屋簷下難免都會有摩擦壓力了,何必再給對方更多的迫害。

最近,媒體上播放著很多十年二十年前令人無法想像會發生的事件;這些事情讓人覺得在全球化口號未全面付諸於世界時,媒體其實已經默默成為地下的鏡子反射其光芒讓人無法忽視。尤其很多新興的平台及軟件的出現,更加速了媒體風潮的影響力。可媒體美學的建立卻還是貧瘠。因為媒體露出往往都是極強迫式的表達;撲天蓋地的,地毯式的,以資訊暴力壓制人的思惟,導致其功能優先的模式成為主軸,而忽略了在傳播上必須顧慮美感才不至令人生膩煩厭。當然美學的基準都是主觀性的,所以也許這麼的想法都只是我的癡人說夢吧。

在這些階段瑣碎的思考下,還有更多的表達未能托出。不過即便都能告訴那又如何?如同朋友所說的:“現在的害怕與以後的害怕也許不盡相同,不過終歸也是害怕。”也許是繞舌了點,但在盡力之下,也只能這般的安慰自己,相安於時空流轉的宇宙。

20080213

Between, graphic design between boundaries

Between是座落於地中海西西里島Capital city - Palermo的一場art event。其城市的歷史可遠朔至古老的拜占庭時代。由於位處東西方文化交界之處,自古即是歐亞非各民族的宗教、哲學、藝術、文化、建築、商業、軍事、政治及經濟相交流的大熔爐。而地中海可說是古西方文明的發源之地,不管是希臘神話的角色初始或十字軍征戰的文化傳播,都帶來巨大且無法抹滅的影響。著名的文藝復興運動就是影響人類文化歷史的輝煌年代。

此回展覽名稱 -
Between正好緊扣其歷史淵源的典故,並考驗與會者對於“界線”的定義。從人類對於真善美的語言傳達 - Type and Symbol下手,前進討論至視覺媒介如電影與互動裝置的交相作用,皆顯露其直指探討各種藝術彼此間疆界之核心;或簡單說人類心中對於美學的分野為何。並更確切地想要對世界發問:“所謂設計的定義與功用是什麼!?”

20080117

My annus of hirabilis and mirabilis

這一陣子總是跟老人女人、小人和外國人打交道。仍然維持自我本色盡作些累自己輕鬆他者的爛好人事務。算是達成孔夫子天下為公的些微理想。有種尷尬不成形的感觸。今年起始,是個多事發難的震盪之年;我心打轉著。

至故宮瞧了經年流傳的鶯鳥山水,去了次淡水在河畔領事館劃分勢力範圍到美麗華坐了圈半刻鐘摩天輪,走了趟動物園半山腰未窮盡全貌;算算,這該是在大台北地區走了回縱貫線吧。在這開啟之年的初出,像是為了補償遊子學分的游移,不過浪子的心態卻是怎麼也扯不掉拋不去。

Time machine。如果可以的話,非常地渴望能獲得一台。今早上課speaking practice的話題,引來一陣晨昏乍醒的歡笑;但卻不知有多少人真不肖想擁有,或說,以為我真想得到。如果成真我願意用十光年的生命來交換。不過有了它能夠任意穿梭甲子四季遨遊以後,十光年的景物算什麼?想想這大概又是讓神譏笑的矛盾祈求吧

時光在老人與女人身上來來去去的最為明顯。很多人如是說的。只是這不知該說是物理上還是心裡上的;也許有機會在哪邊碰面的話我會詢問榮格或是海明威之流的人物,而到時環繞於中的我該是最本尊的一顆星,彷彿那些被喚過不知多少回的其他風流一樣,就是這麼般的敝人、在下與我自己。