20100423

The exotic land.

Ohh~, Salvador, Salvador, Salvador.

If I could be there then I would say: "The ground is like a strong brownie cake!'

Of course this is based on Ego-Wrappin's records, the warm lazy voice is like the mermaid singing, to seduce me digging into the non-stop tracks. As well as the show-off smile on Ian's face in 'Life and Traveling' channel; or, his wrinkle on his cheek. How about the sunshine over there? I bet that would be the Sun at this noon, the temperture would wake me up naturally. It would be the alarm to affect my sense of hearing, but beginning from skins, slowly. It won't be the dominated noise to attack my ears , while it still kissing with the pillow.

'Come on, I thought you said "the first pick in my mind to be a passenger that is Jamica, the home town of Raggae!" "Bob Marley lies on the green grasses, besides yellow flowers, with big red sunset, smoking and waving his hand and ask you to come!" Did you see that?'

Of course Jamica is still my favorite. But I'm a capricornius guy and have numerous desires, because I'm just a normal human being, like we can't stop to buy those no-immeditate-no-needed luxury. I just can't help it. To get into the 'Zen' eternally that is not an easy task. My brother has told me: 'when his classmate servered in the army, he was assigned to Salvador to be the lieutenant. The army even subsidized him to learn Spanish, before he went there.' 'Wow, to speak latino language with native speakers in Salvador, indeed that is incomparable with speaking Spanish in Taipei this urban Jungle, especially when you know you may touch the died valcano, to see the ruined vestige from Maya or Martian or whatever it is; instead of speaking the foriegn monologue with youself in your city.

Let's step backward to the reality. At least when I step backward to my desk I can play the fabulous music singing out the Jamica, or drink the cup of coffee imported from Salvador. This kind of day dream is too selfward, but if I have to hide the feeling to enjoy the cup of coffee at this cold winter day due to guilty, then I really don't know how to situate with myself. To escape from this reality that's like the movie characters 'falling love in Buenos Aires, saying farewell in Iguazu waterfall', the transition becames the Odyssey to scour out the Utopia.

'Let's drift to somewhere!'

Yeah, the coffee drank into my throat is from Salvador, the movie playing front my eyes is about Argentina, and the song dancing in my ears is based at Jamica; all these appearences indicate me that the exotica is everywhere we want it to be. You know what? it's just like the new Russian restaurant opened at the corner of the cross roads recently, and I've got a Russian dolls from the flea market, the extension and dislocation of national identities that is the role-playing in our lives, we experience the cultural imitation at every morning when we open our eyes.

'So why the song is still so sorrowful?'

It's always like that. Like Afro Jazz, Brazil Samba and India Goa, The melody from these places telling the unknown romantic stories that always attract people to search the different folks, because we always like to be the foremost trailblazer to seeking these spetacular scenes!

"No, no I can't talk no more, otherwise I must go to the booth to purchase the flight ticket!"



---



薩爾瓦多,薩爾瓦多,薩爾瓦多。

到那的話大地會像是鬆軟的芋泥蛋糕吧。這種說法當然也是立基於 ego-wrappin’的唱片之上;不過溫暖的感覺就是這麼美好的使人不捨放手沈醉在重複 裡。就像成為knowledge頻道裡伊恩快樂賊悉的笑臉;或,僅只是嘴角上揚的那道細膩皺紋也好。所以太陽呢?那時太陽會永遠是今天中午叫人起床的溫 度,微慢的鬧鐘聲響轉化知感從皮膚親近開始。不會有尖銳的剝奪,在你髮梢耳垂之際。

可我說你不是最喜歡牙買加的嗎?雷鬼呀雷鬼耶。Bob Marley踩在紅黃綠的雲霧上向你招手著你看到沒?

當然呀我還是最愛它的;只不過偶一為之的凸錘放任這種美感實在叫人無法停歇,就像你愛買書愛買碟愛買衣愛買鞋的物慾一樣,忍不住的,有時,出世禁止。我哥 說他同學當了國防外交役的薩爾瓦多使節,出“兵“前還國家補助免資學習西班牙文3個月呢。咿咿呀呀的咬舌舔齒令人好不羨慕。尤其當你知道碰觸的到火山灰, 看得到馬雅或還是外星人?whatever…的昔日巢穴;而非在這煙囪樓管林立的都市高人一級講話,語焉不詳,無人傾聽。

退一步吧。退後點至少能聽到美妙的音樂,不是拉丁綺麗的哼哈也可以喝喝美洲的咖啡的。這樣的牽連雖說是有點顧影自憐;可在冬日的享受如果連自己泡杯不知來 源的咖啡都得躲藏的話那我真不知該如何自處了。而逃離之後黎耀輝跟何寶榮說著道別;屆時那旋轉瀑布不會只在我房間中成為微弱的燈火閃爍,我也能茲意開懷享 受水珠濺灑身軀的快感。

有三項囉。是呀,至少喉嚨裡的薩爾瓦多、眼睛上的布宜諾斯艾利斯,以及耳朵內的牙買加這些都告訴我中南美來了;不遠所在皆有。就像你知道嗎?在大路交接之 處有間新開的俄羅斯餐廳,我房間裡也有擺放俄羅斯出嫁娃娃一樣;不同空間的錯置延伸是你是我是他抑或她的角色扮演,知足常樂人說。

那為何她歌聲聽來還那麼慼妴勒,薩爾瓦多?

總是會有的。像瑞典像馬達加斯加像薩爾瓦多,不知名地方的浪漫情調勾人心水,這種射出就是要叫人空怨懟遙想,未知地方的敗壞最美;我想我再說也是得訂機票 了。



*translation from my previous prose, inspired by those entertainments and commodity.

20100419

Sweetness. 甜美.

I would like to say something about beauty and sweetness. So I melt into the "air" to have a "moon safari". This is a round of tango, this is a chapter of teasing. Of course, I'm never good at living casual days and throw away the anxiety in my life; but occasionally, I'd prefer to lie down on someone's body and feel choked by two naked bodies folding together. And I thought it isn't bad, it's pretty nice. Even more, it can be able to cure of some conditions while stoping to have those 'thoughts' in my mind.

"Sexy boy."

"I want to be a sexy boy."

"I am a sexy boy."

 "Whooo~." I must have a deep breath. "Deep" should be the verb at the "incoming time", you and me and everybody knows about it. And "smooth like the silk" is a relative term to describe the slick skin on your body. It's not about grammar, it's about the basic moves that interact each ohter's bodies with unstoppable hooking.

Each of us has two lips, when four lips stick on each other, I call it "fantasy". The dreamlike membrane between our lips transforms to the eternal ray light, while the lips touching together. Meanwhile, I'm the melody, you're the lyrics. The breath in our surroundings would be the scene of hummingbird pecking the honey. Thus, this second results a gorgerous story.

Most of time, the monologue occurs in the dreams. it appears in a certain moment then disappears in the next instant; such as the blossomy wallpaper in the MTV. When the sunset and clouds had the battle at the end of the day, I grabbed some sweetness. Yes, sweetness, I've got the sweetness at the moment.

---

我想說些甜膩華美的事物。於是我融入空氣想來場月光狩獵。這是一次挑逗,一回試探。當然讓焦慮追在悠閒後面跑不是我所擅長的事;可偶爾讓身體鬆塌肉與肉相 貼著緊扣並且感到窒息還不壞,很不賴。且“想“停住後這感覺似乎總是能治療什麼吧。

sexy boy。

我當sexy boy。

我成為sexy boy。

呼~~~。我得深呼吸一下。“深“得是個動詞;這時,你我皆知。而所謂光滑柔嫩是一種相對性的形容詞。我知道這無關知識;不過基本動作的交相互動稱為“美 好“,這是停不住的。

一人兩片,四瓣交接,叫做“fantasy“。夢幻的薄膜牽連在接觸的一煞那變成永恆;那刻,我是辭句,你是旋律。散發在四周的點點滴滴,交織成如蜂鳥採 蜜的形象。於是,這秒誕生了一個童話。

囈語多在夢裡出現。如同MTV裡的花卉壁紙一樣,瞬間開放又消逝。在夕陽和雲浪互爭先後之際,我搶到了些甜美。是的,當下擁有些微甜美。



*translation from my previous prose, inspired by Air and Yes; photo taken at Pompidou, Paris.

20100418

Referent. 指涉.

"If I've got one more ticket, would you like to go with me?" "I~, Will~, Be~, Back!"

Sometime the life and dramas are playing cross-over to each other, and hardly identify which is the imitation and
which is the real life situation.

'2am passed ten, I have to wake up early to work.' I always remind myself like that. I don't know when is the time that I can say anything I want to and have no hesitation. 'Sucks!' I want to scream to everyone all around the world.

Love makes big trouble, even "the Troy" was caused by the four letters word. If I can be able to feel painful that means I still have the sense of pain. To live in the times that the ADs can only play the homophones, it makes me looking forward all the gossips such as Tom Cruise 'coming-out-of-the-box, caught by his wife' etc. Meantime perhaps my peripheral nerves can be pulsed a bit, and my cheeks can be moving upward.

Mum made a big pot of soup. I drank two small bowls to cheer her up. Deep Dish sings "Mohammend is Jesus", the "what-a-wonderful-world" Ray who is sleeping in the grave. The cruelty is like a toy played by us. If people cannot afford to buy the toy then they will look at the loneliness, they thought if they look at it longer enough, at least they can be a toy to be played.

My polaroid was piss-off, because it could only catch the snap shots. Perhaps I should buy a flight ticket, either going to Iceland or Greenland. The green emergency light pointed towards the "Sin City" desktop on my screen; when I wanted to cry, I thought about where shall I be crying loud instead of who should be the one crying with.

The death scares people due to the unknown, the life causes us suffering through the well-known. Which is just like Al Pacino saying in the movie - "The Devil's Advocate": "Look but don't touch, touch but don't taste; taste, but don't swallow!" Therefore our desires bend to referent, and people rely on the imagination to excite them moving forward.

If there is the chemistry between two persons that would be the perfect relationship. But probably that's why nowadays the chemistry becomes a kind of mystery. I don't even have the consistant ability between my heart and my body, so I can blame nobody but myself. I often imagine the most beautiful song in the world, that should be our joyful moans singing on the bed in our souls.

Perhaps I shall go to sleep, lie down immeditately; maybe I shouldn't drink the cup of coffee, sleep late so frequently. If I can make a wish, I would wish myself as the "Milkman" in Aphix Twin's CD, in that time, I hope I've got a black one to drink.

---

“如果有多張船菲,你會否同我齊走?”“I will be back.”

有時候電影人生、人生電影交錯縱橫就是這麼回事。

兩點多,明天要早起去上班。總是這樣告誡自己。可以大聲無愧說出自己心裡所想的時刻何時才會到呢?sucks!我想吼叫讓全世界都聽到。

TROY的木馬屠城跟阿基理斯腱原來都是愛情惹的禍。難過,只是因為還有知覺。生活於王力宏與黃綠紅在螢幕裡的時代,會讓人期待嚴凱泰出櫃;也許那末梢神 經會跳動一下,屆時,我的兩頰能往上牽動。

媽今天作了桌菜。我湯喝了兩碗。而Deep Dish說Mohammed Is Jesus;敢唱what a wonderful world的雷已逝。冷漠像個玩具被把玩著,玩不起的人就盯著孤單;彷彿盯久盯多之後,至少也能當個玩具。

我的拍立得很Piss Off,因為它在射出時只能捕捉瞬間。也許我該買張機票,去不了冰島至少去綠島。綠色的疏散方向燈指著紅色的sin city;想哭得時候會先想到這是哪裡而不是到誰懷裡哭。

死亡會讓人懼怕是因為未知,生活使人痛苦則是因為感知。就像Al Pacino在魔鬼代言人說的:“可以看卻不能摸,可以摸卻不能嚐。”慾望於是偏向指涉,人們靠著想像過日子。

默契是完美的。因此它才成為傳說。而我跟自己都沒有默契,所以也怪不得別人。我想人間最美麗的一首歌,就是嗯嗯啊啊的歡愉在誕生。

也許我該睡了,也許我該倒了;也許我不該喝咖啡,也許我不該熬夜。如果可以的話我想成為Aphex Twin的Milkman,每天只要咕嚕咕嚕就好;那時,希望能出黑色口味。



*translation from my previous prose, photo taken at Kroller Muller Museum Arnhem, Nederland; inspired by the movies, ADs and music in all of the above.

20100417

Though. 了.


It's finished, though. The facial cream given by my ex-girlfriend was finished recent days, and thrown into the trash can though. Maybe the scent will stay in the room on my body for few more days, but it's going to become the part of memory, waiting for someone who has the same smell passing me by to recall the scent in my mind. Sometimes you can gradually forget the sentiments on someone, but about those flavors, which is just like the tasty Cantonese restaurant, where always attracts me to go there again. However, how about if the people never shared same commons with me in my life but only paased by on the streets? How can we retain the repetitive sensibility, or say, to forget?

Got flu though. I have to absorb plenty of water to overwhelm the virus, then take the numerous tissues to let the virus running out with my nose. I have no idea can we talk about relationships by this sort of procedure; or shall we yell with Lenny Kravitz to sing the 'Let love rule'? If we have to define those morals and manners by the National law, like some political talk show guests saying; how about love? Or like? And ambiguous emotions? With favorable impressions? If the sight can clarify something from our souls, then the smile should be able to categorize something else.


Going to work, though. There are always matches happening at the office. No matter you would like to participate or play within it. If you are not dating with A girl, either you are teasing with B lady; otherwise, you would have had the relationship with C man. This kind of food chains game makes me hate the species of human being. If animals could classify the nature, they probably would consider us as the harmful insect. The state of assigned construction is pretty much the same as the system of bureaucracy, sometimes, it excites me the desire back to the free lancer life.


It's typhoon though. Its name is as same as the hurtful one from the six years ago. At lease the weater report said so. Would the coincidental names occur in our relationships time by time? Does the way she/he walk, the tension she/he make, and the tears she/he drop that is same as the last time? Do the days she/he stay as same as the last one? Can we prepare this love/disaster prevention beforehand? How can we return the regular life after we finished this time? Nobody knows, like the weather report, it always has the great faults when we need the precise prediction. I brought the umbrella but sunny, I wanted to have a picnic but raining; I wore the wool coat then coming sunshine, I put on a vest then fucking windy.


I still miss somehow though. I'd had the missing feeling. But perhaps it's kind of usage of loneliness. While I miss something then the feeling transforms to loneness, when I feel lonely then I start to missing someone again. A transformation of the triangle quiz. Sometimes I just want to listen Thom Yorke singing the happy tone like Tahiti 80, if he can be able to sing the wonderful tone, then I can give up the blue sarrow.


---


用完了。前女友送的洗面乳前陣子擠出最後一滴汁液後,被
我 丟到回收筒了。也許味道還會殘留幾天;但我想之後也會像 回憶一樣,等待偶爾擦身而過的嗅覺重疊吧。有時候你可以 對某人的想法或記憶逐漸淡忘,但那種種滋味,就像我總會 再去的那間大排檔,始終會再來吃一次。可是未曾交集過的呢? 那些層層堆積的感觸該如何保留,或說怎麼遺忘?

感冒了。必須大量攝取水份以淹沒病毒,再抽無數衛生紙讓
其 隨水分流出。不知道感情可否像這樣擁抱程序;或說該跟Lenny Kravitz一起聲嘶力竭的唱出Let Love Rule。如果應該把某些道德規範如楊憲宏所講訂於法律之下的話。那愛呢?或者喜歡?還是曖昧?又如好感?要是眼神能夠說明什麼,那笑容也得歸類一下吧。

上班了。在公司總是會有種種配對流連發生。不管你要或不
要, 玩或不玩。如果你不跟A女在一起就得跟B女有牽連;不 然,你也跟C男發生關係。這種像似食物鏈的遊戲讓人討厭 人類這種禽獸。我想動物要是也在評比的話,會覺得我們才 是一群害蟲吧。這種組織分配的形態非常之權力意識;有時,讓 我忍不住想回歸無冕生活。

颱風了。與六年前讓人受傷的同名同性格。至少氣象局這樣
說 的。是否戀愛也會出現這樣相似的男男女女在你周遭來來去 去呢?她/他行走的姿態/路徑任性/風吹的級數淚滴/雨 下的程度是否相同呢?相處/停留的日子天數是否一樣呢? 我們可否提前作好戀愛/風暴的防戀/颱準備呢?結束之後 又該如何恢復往昔的規律呢?沒人知道,就像氣象預報;總 是偏差值居多。該打傘就放晴,要郊遊偏驟雨;穿外套豔陽天, 著背心刮冷風。

想念了。我對於想念的感覺很思念。但也只基於一種習慣的
寂 寞而已。想念習慣寂寞,寂寞習慣想念。一種三角習題的變形。 有時候也不過想要Thom Yorke唱的跟Tahiti 80一樣開心。如果他能夠如此開懷,那我會捨棄憂傷吧。



*translation from my previous prose, photo taken at the cinema museum, Berlin.

20100414

When it falls


"Do you know the slat blue velvet? It mixes with the jujube silk and golden lace."

"The blue velvet sounds so fragmental."

"Yeah, the fragmental blue..."

It's foggy, and raining shower frequently. So you couldn't see the mountains getting alone with each other when you look afar of the city. I'm not a superstitious guy, but sometimes I'll be directed by the indications. The sign is alway like a ghost, appears from the left eye then disappears from the right eye. The temperature here is not super low to my tolerant limit, but the cold winds always slips into my neckline, two sleeves and the seam of trousers; like the clouds naturally flow far away then melting with the sky. The traffic light red, yellow and green are dancing the Tango with the brakes of my bike, and sometimes I really don't want to care all the shits in my life, just let them get in the crash. Everybody is equal in the parallel timeline, walking step by step in our times, however, why do I still desire to fly as high as the sky? There is a pleasant sound, called "music". When you soak into the melody, it's similar you putting on the fuzzy hat, wearing the Gore-Tex snow jacket and wool socks, covering the goose feather blanket and lie down on my queen size bed. Or, it's also like you wearing nothing with you dark fingers and blank cheeks, and the black lips and shaking teeth, on the frozen ground, standing. These kind of scenes make me dizzy.



"Do you like to go to the heaven?"

" Perhaps. But I would like to see the hell as well."
 
"Mm. Hope the weather will be getting warm these couple days."

"Yeah, but I like the sweater with hat, like someone is saying sweets softly at your ears."
 
 "Sweets softly..."

After raining, there is a restart atmosphere on the streets. The tars on the roads are purified grey, the water is busy to find the seams to the underground; meanwhile, the liquid is not like the thing we used to know, it's coated black, like an opportunist follows the stream flowing away. I would believe there are another two egos same as me. They are also typing the alphabets, drawing the picture, listening songs and swallowing the spit. So don't talk to me about "unique", the uniqueness is Socrates, Plato, Aristotle and so on. Nowadays everything is synthesized and imitated by the future of former days. I trust the sadness, and I hate the truth. Perhaps everything will be forgotten when I restart it again, just like Leslie Chang saying in the movie: "let's restart once again, how about that?" Otherwise, it's just the "death" like people say.



"You tell me; without the memory, can we say that the mankind is still alive?"

" I don't know, perhaps I should give it a try."

"Try about what?"

"Try to delete the past."

" Don't always be concerning all the things in your mind."

"There are too many details, I have to be an information addict to pick it up."

"The music is playing the sounds."

"Yeah I've heard everything when it falls."



---



“你知道藍色呢絨嗎?再混著棗色絲綢與金紅色鑲邊。“

“好撕裂的憂傷呀。“

“是呀。““好撕裂的憂傷…“


濛濛的,有時飄雨,所以往遠方望去就看不到包圍這城市高低相與的山。我不是很迷信的人,不過有時卻會被暗示一直引導著。徵兆總是鬼魅,左眼閃過,右眼消 去。這樣的天氣並沒冷到什麼極限,但那絲絲冷風總會從袖口領間褲縫等等地方灌入;好像雲飄到遠方就跟天融為一體了。紅燈黃燈綠燈綠燈黃燈紅燈與煞車間跳著 探戈,有時真不想插手管它們的閒事,就讓他去。在時間軸上來說每個人都是平行的,走著一個接一個的刻度;所以,為何我想飛呢?有種好聽的聲音,叫做音樂。 究極的講,戴著毛帽穿著羽狨衣裹著鵝毛被套著羊毛襪軟塌著有點類似。可一絲不掛讓你指甲發黑嘴唇發紫兩頰發白牙齒打顫也是。那讓我暈眩。




“你想去天堂嗎?“

“應該吧。不過我也想去地獄看看。“

“嗯。““希望天氣好轉些。“

“嗯,不過我喜歡套頭帽T;好像有人在你耳邊呢喃的溫軟。“

“呢喃…“


下雨過後,有種重新開始的氣息在街道游走,路面上的柏油被洗刷過似的泛灰,水漬找著細縫鑽入;這時它不像我們所認識的液體,黑漆漆的,像個投機份子竄動。 我願意相信這世上有另兩個與我相同的人,也打著字,畫著圖,聽著歌,吞著口水,所以別再說著獨特;所謂的與眾不同是叫做有巢氏燧人氏神農氏等等之流,一切 的現在都是“之前“以後的合成複製。我相信了悲傷,我恨了真實。也許這一切都會在我忘了後重新開始;就像何寶榮說得一樣,又或是人們說的“死亡“。


“你說,沒了回憶還算活著嗎?“

“我也不知道;也許我該試試。“


“試什麼?“


“試著試試。“


“你別總是耿耿於懷。“


“細節太多,我得像資訊狂一樣挑著。“


“音樂出來了。“


“嗯,我聽到每個事物的滑落了。“



*Translation from my previous prose, inspired by Zero 7. 

20100412

Such a day. 如此白天。

Tumbling and dazzled,  so I could only be awoke by the sick feeling and give up the sweated bed. Straightened my back, lifted my blanket, sprained my tail bone and neck; the blinking view before I opened the seam of my eyes that was like a hazy spider web, but I was still able to see the drop stained with the eyelashes. Perhaps that was the tear in a mysterious dream and that might be alright.

"The influence and damage of biological changes caused by the illnesses - how to apply the medical treatments to cure of the physical conditions." That would be the subject of today. In parents' concern that would be: "Do you need a ton of tea or water, to sleep some more minutes and take a pill, or go to the doctor later on?" Therefore I needed to lie down once again, must be slept-in the bed more awhile. Such a day.

Then I could barely glance at the grey sky and not be able to see the sun, it's gone unconsciously; and besides the healthy, all the schedules and agenda in this life could be thrown away. Do you know if there were "you" and you are here.

"There's a dead man in my bed." Nice Cave was singing the song.

---

翻著也恍惚,於是只好拋棄黏膩汗水被昏拉起床。挺身,掀起棉被,扭轉頸子,張眼前黑暗與光線交接瞬間的薄霧像蜘蛛絲;但我還看得到沾在睫毛上的水珠,也許是不知道哪個夢的淚那也還不壞吧。

“疾病代表的身體機能停頓與破壞之影響及其後續處理方法。“今天的中心德目如果以父母親的角度來說應該是“感冒了要不要去看醫生吃個藥多喝水休息呀?“於是我又倒下,得賴個床。如此白天。

然後不知不覺已經看不見太陽只能瞧到灰色的天而人生上除健康外的各種事項只好先放下。你知道嗎要是有你知道你在的話。

“There's a dead man in my bed.“Nick Cave唱著歌。



*translation from my previous article and inspired by ill and Nick Cave.

20100409

Random notes 雜記

To be honest, I don't like to be the sort of people who alway see the dark side of life, but to be super optimistic that looks like a dumber, so silly.

Under this kind of physical exhaustion and mental battle with time and space, I feel really tired; so I try to get things out of my headfrom now on, at least don't let myself too dry.


It's around 2 o'clock at the midnight, I could hear the thunder shouting from far away, with the gloom clouds, faintly. The rains dropped from the distance to my face, and freely transformed its shape. The sound dripping on the roof was so crystal but somehow it made me feel so bothering due to the mechanical action. I did a bit affect by it, but I don't care though, perhaps that's the attitude I given to people in my surroundings.


The downpour suddenly rains so heavy, like a lunatic so crazy; it seems rushing me something, probably I'm too lazy to be, or not to be. Hence, there were flashes and thunders, still raining; then I've got an impulse to read poetry.


---


老實說,我不喜歡太悲觀凡事皆哀的人;但太樂觀又像傻子
似 的,蠢。

在這樣時間性的疲勞轟炸及心理對戰,很累,所以我現在開
始要 放棄不理會,至少對得住自己就好。

現在是凌晨約2點時許,我可以聽到雷聲由遠處飄來,像黑
雲 一般,時有時無;雨點由大變小,忽近忽遠,滴在屋頂上聲 音讓我感覺極其清晰但又機器式的感到不耐。有點影響吧, 可是我卻有點蠻不在乎的態度,也許我給其他人的印象就是如 此。

雨急了起來,瘋狂的越來越烈,似乎催促我什麼,看我慵懶
到 令人生厭;於是有電光,有冬雷,雨還是在這,而我有股衝動想 讀詩。



*translation from my previous prose.

20100408

敘事 Relation

文字絢麗爛漫的表達不如徹夜的促膝常談 
The romantic expression by written words is worse than chatting whole night on the courch

言語之間的禮尚往來不如一番激烈的擁吻實在
 
The charming conversation is surely not comparable with passionate caresses and kisses between each other

感情註定宣洩卻不知流向何方如何流出

The emotion is destined to unleash for someone yet don't know where to go and how to flow


我愛你 我恨你 

 I love you, I hate you

我喜歡你 我討厭你 

 I like you, I dislike you

句句無止盡的對話增添感情的豐富
 
The endless dialogue increases the richness of sentiments

還沒結束 還沒結束

It's not the end, there is no the end









*the translation from my previous poem.

20100406

A night like tonight. 這樣的晚上。


It's been really long time not writing the diary; the so called, penning, words. But can I be able to describe a night like tonight properly by those words? Writing down word by word. Listening the non-stop tracks, press the "print" button repetitively, and the printer is singing its distinctive melody; the stylus pen is making the scratches when I stroking, when I moving around the notebook the sounds is like screaming, my old G4 is panting and buzzing around my surroundings.  

It's all shallow and stereotyped thoughts in my mind, like this room, maintains the unchanging chaos, although I can move away these trash to another room, but where shall I move away those ridiculous thoughts?

Sometimes I saw the lamp was breathing under the lampshade, showing dark and dim, lighting bright and dignity. I recognized perhaps it also sensed something; a night like tonight, the hesitation in writing is even more intensive than typing the letters on the keyboard, and the paper looks feel disturbed by my appearence, which indicates: "please unleash your emotions by those pixels and dots and leave me alone!".

"Save Files Anytime!" The note sticked on the corner of the screen. However, sometimes somehow there is still something that you cannot be able to remember, even you stamped on numerous notes. Right now, the file is in progress, I'm waiting, the computer is suddenly shut down, I restart it, to be fasinated in the quiet instant and redesign my work; while I stop penning I have to close the cap. Until the next moment, which means the dawn, the breakfast shop will open again, the light through the frosted glasses is not merely from the flash, and I don't need to stay in a night like tonight.

---

很久沒有寫日記。所謂的;書寫,文字。可是這樣的晚上能夠適當的講的出來嗎?一筆一劃著。聽著不停音軌的CD,按下重複的print鍵,印表機背後和著。 代用針筆的刷刷聲,移動筆記本的摩擦嘶響;電腦的喘息,嗡嗡叫著。

腦袋裝的都是些陳腐的東西。就像這房間一樣,持續不變的凌亂。不同的只是這挪到那,那挪到哪?


有時候看到光在燈罩下呼吸,一滅一暗,一明一亮。我想那些瞬間它也是感覺到什麼了吧。這樣的晚上。這種寫字遲疑比起敲鍵盤還要緩慢,連紙都不想理人的流 露。好像想單叫人靠著肉眼看不到的螢幕光點宣洩就夠。


“隨時存檔“大大的字貼在螢幕邊角。有時有些卻是再多的便貼也記不住。跑檔案,等待,當機,重開,停頓作稿。停筆時要記得把筆蓋關上。等到早晨,也就是呆 會,豆漿店就開了,那時毛玻璃透的不只是對戶的光;我也不用停留在這樣的晚上。



*translation from my article, photograph by M/M Paris.

20100405

Sea Change


"Why don't you say something?" You said.

When we get through to this present, the meaning in our lives can only be salvaged by listening music. To standing at the middle of the studio and look around the room, I realized that the scene was like the movies playing fast forward, but people's thoughts instead of playing backward; and this sort of weird things repeated again, again and again.

I'm staring the emptiness front of my sight, seeing everything but look through nothing. My eyes is continuously moving. Some people say if there is no barrier in front of our sights, the vision is infinity. Infinity, what a seductive words, how a captivating distance. But how about the "black hole"? Can our souls be able to get through the black hole to transform into its own universe? Or the function of our bodies can only be able to complete our desire?

"I think I never slept enough." I said.

Sleeping. Sleep is the time when subconsciousness playing around, and the dream is the playground. Dream is everything in the opposite of this reality. Dream is the child of the practical thought and illusional body. Dream is Sigismund Freud in repose. Dream is the highest and lowest auras. Dream is the achievement of the wish, or say, the beginning of disillusionment. The dream is you, as well as me.

Perhaps the death is the real dream.

"I have no idea what are you thinking of." You said.

I'm thinking of the noon in that Sunday, the gentle breezes in the air. It blew your hair and your eyebrows, then it blew your eyelashes again your hair. I'm thinking of your breath in that night, it's the minimal tone of whispering. I'm thinking on the platform of the station, while the train lighting on me, I just needed one step forward, then I could cross the boundary between "the dream" and "this reality". I'm thinking why I manipulated his body, when I was dizzy. I'm thinking.

"What happened?" I said.

I may never be able to understand, but I will keep asking. Because searching is the pageboy of eternity, it is the blind behavior to achieve the intention of loyalty. And the eternity is the tears of Juliet, the shoe of Cinderella; it's the mirror in Princess of Snow White, the mask in the Phantom of the Opera. When everything is completed, even afterwards, then we know -- you are not belonged to you, and I'm not belonged to me.

Thus there is nothing to be chased, because we've got everything. and the so called "sea change", that's all about it.

---

 “你為何都不說話?”你說。

到了這種時代,這個時刻,人生很多的意義只能在聽歌時得
到 救贖。站在辦公室中央環顧四周,可以感覺到景象如電影快 轉播放的速率,但人的思想卻是慢轉,這樣弔詭的事一直,一直 和一直重複著。

我看著前方瞪視著。看穿一切卻又看不透世事。眼神飄移但 持 續。人說人的眼光如果沒有屏障遮擋的話,它的極限是無盡 遠。多麼誘人的說辭,多麼魅惑的距離。但黑洞呢?是否靈 魂能夠穿破它自成一個宇宙呢?而肉體只剩完成慾望的功用嗎?

“我想我永遠都睡不夠。”我說。

沈睡。睡眠是潛意識嬉戲幽遊的時辰;而夢是場所。夢是一 切 的反向,在身體力行的白天過後。夢是實際的思想與虛幻的 肉體相交配的子嗣。夢是佛洛伊德的寄託。夢是極high 跟極down的氛圍。夢是願望之實現,更是幻滅的開端。夢是 你,夢是我。

也許死亡才是夢。

“我不知道你在想什麼。”你說。

我想周日的午後,涼涼微風輕輕吹動。吹拂著你的秀髮你的 眉 際,吹動了你的睫毛,你的髮梢。我想那天夜裡你的喘息, 嚶嚶耳語低迷不停。我想在捷運的站台邊上,我只要再跨出 一步等候光亮乍臨就能越過夢的分野。我想當恍神迴盪時,我的 靈魂為何操縱他的身體。我想。

“你怎麼了?”我說。

我應該永遠都不懂。但我還是永遠會問。因為追尋是永恆的 書 僮,它亦步亦趨的是為了成就忠誠的初衷。而永恆是孟姜女 的眼淚,是梁祝的蝴蝶,是白雪公主的鏡子,是歌劇魅影的 面具。當這所有的一切都被實現以後,我們會知道;我就不再是 我,你也不會是你。

沒有了一切都沒有了,因為全部都已擁有。這些所謂海枯石 爛, 不過如此而已。




*the translation of my previous article; inspired by Beck's album "Sea Change".

20100402

我能想到地。 Something I can be able to think of.

差勁尷尬的記憶能力近來日趨嚴重地與我為伍不肯離棄; 雖說時不時對於一些細節敏感處會讓人詫異的刻印在腦裡, 不過瑣碎拼湊的畫面教人不知如何拾起. 會不會過了35歲就逐漸空白呢? 也許那時得像何寶榮說的: "不如我們重新來過..."; 可誰來與"我"完成為"們"? 人生海洋漂蕩久了, 回憶就像來時路, 當想到時卻舉目皆是汪洋一片不知今池是何處; 而"歸屬"還在遙遠莫名地方無法定義.


開懷痛楚在霎那都是最大感應, 但每每總是瞬間閃動. 也許解放壓抑才是釋出記憶的法則; 卻苦笑成了人格特質的標的. 有關好壞, 只能去留待他人來評斷了.


---
I cannot rid of my super great ability in forgetting things, and it is more intensive lately. Although somehow sometimes I'm good to surprise people when I telling something very details, but those fragmental pictures certainly can't help people pick up what I'm talking. Am my memory going blank gradually after 35 years old? Perhaps in that time I have to tell people: "Let's restart again how about that...?" Just like the dialogue in the film "Happy Together". But who is with "me" to be "us"? To roam through in the life for a long while, I feel my memory is like the coming path, when I would like to recall it and to view my surroundings that is an unknown vast of water in the deep blue sea; and "belonging" is a fuzzy term that can't be defined in the far away territory.


Joys and pains are the greatest feelings at those instants, but only, it shows in immediacy. Maybe to release the self-pressure that is the way to free my memory, yet the bitter smile is the representation of my personality. About the positive or negative impression to others, that can only be able to leave for people to judge me.
---


Walking the cow - Daniel Johnston


Try to remember
But my feelings can't know for sure
Tried to reach out
But it's gone


Lucky stars in your eyes
I am walking the cow


I really don't know how I came here
I really don't know why I'm staying here
Oh oh oh...
I am walking the cow


Tried to point my finger
But the wind was blowing me around
In circles
Circles


Lucky stars in your eyes
I am walking the cow


I really don't know what I have to hear
I really don't know what I have to care
Oh oh oh...
I am walking the cow