20101221

北京遊,雜碎記。

大北京。一個宣示國家權力的城市,想當然爾地,以一種大氣浩蕩的姿態佇立在黃沙土地上。總體建設一律向上看齊;而在各處叢生群起的經貿活動也可以從地鐵來往人潮閒聊口中娓娓道出,像是通勤人士都掛著買辦頭銜,小生意也是大買賣般的豪邁交易。

鑽進地鐵車廂,隧道裡乍然突現的燈條廣告在我眼前映驗。藉由片段的閃爍,我知道是部宣傳忠貞軍團的革命愛情雜燴故事;感覺好像搭上一台時光列車回到若干年前的台灣,一部藉由高科技宣揚舊思想的利器,那時,“黃埔軍魂“、“國軍英烈傳“也是沸沸揚揚的受萬民擁戴地廣大上映。

但 最多曝光的電影是我擇一夜與朋友去戲院看的商業大片 - “讓子彈飛“。從雜誌、報紙、海報、廣播、電視到LED城市燈箱廣告無處不有。其片是結合港陸兩強一線戲精劉嘉玲、周潤發、葛優及姜文演出。姜文這大腕本 身還擔綱編劇及導演。是部磅礡的時代“大“片。一個傳統刧富濟貧、又有點訴求現實的故事。講述的是游擊山賊搶了甫將上任的縣太爺,假冒其身夥同師爺與當地 耆紳惡霸相鬥的橋段。求錢財、求權力到最後求正義,人生沒有什麼政治身份絕對,只有機會立場選擇的思量。其場景發生在民國初年,袁世凱剛下台、國民共產兩 黨還未成形互鬥的年代;官員四處貪財,軍閥聯合地方欺壓百姓;人民弱勢,無處告發,自求龜安。

似乎百年後的兩岸三地,這情境依舊熟悉不斷上演。

夜晚,步行街頭,可以瞧見形色建築上的立體霓虹燈字以不同字型標地在各異方位,煞是誘人心醉神迷;但因為街燈暈黃路燈高聳,這些幾乎都是紅色的霓虹燈字彷彿飄浮在夜空裡,象徵經濟活動的宣傳仍在共產老大哥的“觀““照“下便宜行事,規矩成長。

而 由於街道寬敞幅遠遼長,高聳的故宮圍城與天安門對比周遭的胡同窄巷更顯矛盾強烈。白日,在塵灰迷濛的天穹下,那被圍牆陰影所籠罩的石板路與各宮殿間的川堂 佈告訴說的是千百年來不變慾望的故事;而在天安門上的電子標語則暗示即便科技的發展進逼,在這片紅旗占有的領地下思想正確仍是唯一的最終目標,生存的極致 意義。

不過,這些博瀚氣魄下的發展,夾藏著很多細小微粒氣泡,顯示出那種抬頭向上、拳頭高舉的狀態,正逐漸被穿透著;或說,這些小細節的發生還需要藉由思想的活絡與開放來填補所謂民主需要的敗壞跟無謂,那些月之黑暗面,與共產荒唐不同的自由荒謬之處。

在 798看了好些展覽與藝文空間,印象最深的是劉小東的hometown boy與梁遠葦的golden notes。兩個差異很大又依稀呼應的油畫作品,恰恰好地,在天平的兩端,說明著中國的現況。梁的作品是既抽象又精細的點描工筆將叢叢花卉呈現在畫布上, 其刮、填、點、會的力道極其到位,彷彿擁有綢緞的油膩光亮質感,配上金碧輝煌的各種金屬色系配合與漸層的底色,你可以走進任何一間第五大道或香榭儷榭大道 上的hotel or club瞧見;或是於某位西方收藏家的個人博物館內看見而不禁感歎其與室內裝潢搭調的完美。你無法想像要是二十年前這種資本主義式的華麗表演會在這片土壤 上開花發現;我想這也正說明了近年來中國在商業上對昔日殖民文化的反噬與演化已經通過各藝術形式來向世人表達他們對美的水平也有不可忽視的力量。

北 京中央美院教師劉小東,可說是個田野調查油畫家。其以寫生記實的方式觀看畫出他所存在的場域。他的表現形式含跨油畫、素描、隨筆與記錄片等各種模式,想來 跟他與電影界過從甚密不無關係。他作品筆觸豪邁,不拘小節,但對事物的觀察卻極其細膩,好似一勾一勒就道出筆下人物的一生。此次的作品展出是他回到家鄉遼 寧繪畫昔日玩伴與家鄉鄰里人物景色。算是個人生涯的一次觀照。在侯孝賢為他拍攝此次創作的紀錄片之下 (約莫一個鐘頭),我們可以看到一個歸鄉子弟的茫然與自省,並隨著繪製的場景變換,能夠一窺中國致力都市發展下的城鄉差距及人際關係逐漸淡薄的問題;一如 世界各個國度,在全球化的風潮下都市集中的工商效應不僅帶走了壯丁,也帶走了人與人之間相處最需要的陪伴的時間。

在片中其 中一段KTV的場景裡,侯孝賢露出了幾秒的畫面唱出鼓聲若響的最後一句:“我溫暖的故鄉!“那種歸鄉卻又不願與無奈的古今對照,何處是我家之感;由原籍台 灣的侯對著片中出身遼寧的劉等人唱出,我這個小台北遊子在北京聽見,可說是各人有個人的感觸,hometown boy,不是一句“五味雜陳“可以形容帶過。

這兩位藝術家,各以其擅長的方式表達出當代中國藝術圈跟海外世界對話的習氣。 或者是創作世界發展作品的兩種大的脈向;意思是說,當創作者用他方的語言去溝通或以在地的情感為訴求時,其實都是向著一群人傳達這些訊息,但不論接收的方 向為何,反方的解讀必會帶出另一種思考模式的反應,而這些反應則會影響創作者思考其本身與作品的價值既目的性,而也許這就是展覽對創作者最好的回饋吧。

回 北京二環內在出租車上等待一貫的壅塞。朋友跟我閒聊告訴因為私家車僅僅開放十數年,所以很多人是新手駕駛,加上各種交通工具如騾車、黃包車、協力車、單 車、電動機車、汽車、公車、電車、巴士等等無規則方向地行駛,所以北京可說是最混亂交通的城市之一。而我默默想著:是否其實北京人需要這種混亂呢?由這種 方式顯示不論貧富貴賤,當特定時刻來臨,大夥注定是在同條舟上齊頭並行,擁有的時間與相對的金錢是真正的公平,共產的短暫美好體現。壓迫的味道跟尖囂的鳴 笛製造共生的品質。一種群體性移動的團隊韻律。

“擁擠,是抹去一個主體性最快速最方便也最有效的方式。“胡晴舫如是說。



照片懾於798外。有限的責任在無限的領導下,擔不擔得起想來也沒啥關係了。

菜籃

“單車當然要有菜籃呀!“我說。

“那mountain bike或fixed gear怎辦?“妳問。“那些妳說的車種跟城我等市怪譚的渾人不在類比象限之內的。我這種閒逸懶滯的蹓躂一族對於移動速度的要求並不在爆發力,著眼的裝備也不是追求更好的performance或流暢感。“

“那是為了什麼!?“妳搶著接問。

“都 是些風花雪月的頹寥吧。菜籃的存在證明了功能性的彰顯是因為民生必需而卡榫在前輪的上方;出外買菜,進店購書,去公園涼亭玩個飛盤風箏,到畫室工坊塗抹捏 擰...這些裝載工具種種,浪蕩的需求,像是全部包覆在前置的菜籃之中,有點隱蔽卻又依稀可見,在暗藏與顯露之間,讓洞悉明瞭者街角相視來上一抹默契的淺 笑,滿足微觀逍遙的享受。“我慢慢托出。

“這台北城被你講的好似出世脫俗的田野風情畫,而少了煙霧瀰漫的獐氣。“

“不,這只是我偶一假寐的白日幻夢而已。不這樣催眠自己,去加強感官戀物的附著度的話,那我也沒有立場替敗壞說嘴了。“

“卻只是一個菜籃!“你嘟囔著。

“夠了。一輪一籃,一長日一南柯;沁入在虛無邈靄的我,不能企求再多。“



Photo taken at Cultural Sunday, Utrecht.

20101205

名,字。

每個人都有名字。除了本名之外,她有她的綽號,妳叫妳的渾號;他擁他的洋名,你喚你的乳名。我也有我的暱稱。有的人的別名會跟著他一 輩子;有的人,則是不同時期因應 不同人物事件的的發生會發展出時間長短不一印象強弱的名字。端看對象而定。這時呼喚定義的目的性比較像是對方之於你的身份認同,或說,這像是雙方彼此認定 的默契,好似遙控器的紅外線一般,搜尋腦中記憶的那一點。

華人社會裡有分單名與雙名。相較於在華南地區普遍通行的 雙名,單名似乎在叫喊上偏向有力及直接。當你喊著單名的友人時,要就是親密地只叫名字,不然的話,連 名帶姓的直接叫喊也不覺冒昧,單純爽快。雙名的唸法就複雜多了,你可以叫純粹的名稱,也可以講尾字的疊字;或說“大“念“小“地附著在尾名上,這視你跟對 方的年齡大小輩分尊卑而做區分。而有更親切或鄉土的叫法,你也可以加個語助詞“阿“在尾名之前,彷彿叨叨在唸的思懷之情在每次呼喚時刻都要提點對方一番, 莫忘昔日同玩泥巴、同穿褲襠的情感。

在我們的社會階層裡還有項特殊的習俗 - 改名;原因典故則各有各的故事。有的人是時運不濟想去去霉氣,有的人是感覺其名太過“菜市場“的普羅大眾而不喜;有人過往糾纏太多想甩開重新,有人則打算 跟家族親戚斷個乾淨。不過聽說,人一生只能改兩次名,一次在未成年前由父母或監護人決定;下回,個人死生命運乃是自己的擔業,改了,可就是沒有回頭路的大 勢抵定。

由於為了與外溝通,國民教育提倡第二外語的發展下,人人不論身份高低,幾乎都有了洋名。八、九○年代流行 的Michael因為流行樂之王跟籃球之神在21世紀後的墜落與凋零而逐漸淡出;Jennifer在Friends影集的通俗帶動下也增加了不少比例。不 過近年來在去英美語言殖民化的大行旗鼓與歐陸風情在台烘托的影響中也逐漸炮製出更多元的名號供人挑選各自偏好,諸如Marcel或Rudrigez紛紛相 繼出籠;但還有更多的人喜歡將中文名字直譯,縮短語言翻轉後時不時出現的尷尬距離。

西方人好像較不時興改名,但取起 外號來卻可與咱比之,一樣地興奮來勁。Magic Johnson因為眾人對他目眩神迷的投切傳美技感到崇拜而忘了其本名Earvin,而誰還記得大鳥叫Larry?Charlie Parker由於一場車禍撞到鳥而以Yardbird聞名。英國前首相Thatcher因為強悍作風被稱為The Iron Lady;而聽說巴爾扎克的小說總集“人間喜劇“(Comédie Humaine)有多達兩千多個人物出現,這麼驚人的光譜分布不知道在描寫角色性格時是否也有眾多綽號於其心中叨唸以茲分別,想來虛構再指涉的下場就是死 前還在呼喚他角色的名諱而不知人生劇場已走到最後落幕時了。

除了個人以外,團體族群被人用別名稱呼也屢屢傳見。在各 種社會領域因為時代的印記、階層的分屬與合作的成就或不堪甚或是種族的歸類而被傳遞像 是:Beatniks、Hippies、Bobos等等;更有希臘三哲人、玄學之竹林七賢、政治之四人幫,國際經濟上的亞洲四小龍與種族文化遍及至印越星 馬的炎黃子孫。這些種種,點出一圈圈真實身份背後的漣漪,畫出環環牽扯的人際關係符碼,說明著個人與社會互相指涉的標籤作用是塑造文明物種的必備。

西 方近代哲學家如弗列格(G. Frege)與普特南(H. Putnam)將指涉分為間接與直接。具體簡化的說間接指涉是藉由一段詞彙的描述去定論稱呼的對象,如蘇格拉底又可稱為“柏拉圖的老師“;直接指涉就是去 中介化的標籤,像是 發明王 ﹦愛迪生。那是否代表,我們在叫著他人名諱的時候,那些形容詞應該予以專屬化去更貼切個人的性格呢?也許無俚頭或矛盾雙向辭是種解套;如笑魁苦苓或是“搶 救“最“受支持“的候選人 - XXX。

這一種混淆不明的狀態在現今的語境脈絡裡持續發酵著。 個人理解的主觀意識架空著一切。尤其在這個社會。善良、正直、虛偽、痛苦的定義為何逐漸像兩岸或說這島內的情勢一樣,並不一統而四分五裂著。道德的培養跟 教育的認知似乎跨了濁水溪就像過了奈何橋,各自解讀相安就好。但誰能夠當我們的孟婆,使來湯水一瓢一飲盡數忘卻,來個大何解般的重頭開始呢?誰願意當個重 複的何寶榮不斷訴說這台詞呢?而誰知道這台詞的重點不是在“重頭開始“而是在“我們“?又誰知道,名字怎麼被稱呼並不那麼重要,怎樣被他者(國)看待或對 待才是至關緊要的事。

很多人會說“我們“怎樣感覺、如何承受才重要,但我會說跟他人怎樣溝通、被想像也重要。no man is an 'isalnd'。而建立identity的方式應該是向別人告訴:我們在做些什麼、我們會做些什麼事情以及我們面對世界觀的論點等等。至於“名字“,這 種呼、應雙方對等關係的操作,對地方風情的浪漫想像,文化與文明的轉介投射等等,其待我們的成績與聲譽特出到被人傳頌不得不正視的地步,那豈不是信手捻來之 事?



Photo taken in my room, just moved into Cecile's house, A'dam.

20101126

騎踏的鄉愁

又重新騎著單車於大街小巷的游盪。隨著冬日的悄臨,即便還不那冷峻,那絲絲透骨清涼仍隨著潮濕的盆地氣息鑽進了身子裡,告訴你出門時該添件風衣圍領的訊息。


那些熟悉的街道依舊販賣著煎包與蔥油餅;而新又探索的巷弄,不論是昔日未曾察覺或舊時經過卻漫不經心,讓榕樹撥弄了髮梢的感受也許又喚醒自己身為台北人的自覺吧。一種投射自我的小人物之欣喜,對於生活體驗的重啟;像是找到過冬食糧的樂觀狐狸,滿足發現的尋究心理大於現實存活價值的估量。

但騎著車也著實叫人思念,日子在荷蘭,在鄉野宜人的Utrecht,在夜晚迷人的Amsterdam。那些輪子滾著雪漬看著前車輪印的日與夜。那些夜晚在無人荒野呼著白氣就著微黃燈光看騎前方的優哉。騎踏,只是機械性的行動,擁有人性的只剩下觀察的兩隻眼珠子而已。白晝,在甬道橋墩眾多的阿姆,騎乘不如Utrecht自在,但多了分都會的緊湊及人車的摩肩擦踵,自然而然地,一種探偵的模式就蘊了開來。

而又回到了台北。

有時認為藉由騎著單車上街的這種慢速行徑,彷彿抓回了兩點之間的最短距離;就好似持續性地觀看某種類型的影片或購買同一位樂手的專輯,這種行為強化了自己與某地或某人的情愫連結。又或說,自己只是個頑固念舊的老靈魂,對於人生事物在地化眷戀的依存程度比自己想像的更為嚴重罷了。


那種對母性既接受又抵抗的個性不論在異地或家鄉,或許,也只是身為現代人這種永恆地波西米亞族群,其旅者心態的悲哀吧。

喔,但我真的好喜歡,在街坊鄰裡間騎著單車觀看我存在的城市,真的喜愛。 



Photo taken in Jordaan, Amsterdam.

20101021

那曾經的現在與這即將之未來

有時候覺得互舔傷口、互訴辛酸甚至互揭瘡疤是種人生上的食物鍊;且那不僅僅只是侷限在某種對等關係如情侶同事夥伴朋友們而已。偶一遇之的點頭之交, 飯館的店小二;父母的遠親閒友,終年不說三兩句話的漠鄰。似乎是種黏著劑,攘人不致在崇拜科技進步之餘斷了人際關係;不然,就像是醍醐一般,澆了下來縱有 瞬間驚嚇不悅但也落的滋潤暢快。

人類致力於發展心靈交流感應之能事,不知這是否會成就一種反璞歸真、喚回動物本能的狀態。 讓語言文字失去功用,感覺重啓意義。同時進化並退化著。逍遙於矛盾之中。那時創作者類屬裡也許不需要設計師,只允許藝術家、發明家的存活。不分男女老少, 只管吃葷或素。人生只準擁有首次法則,因為可以在他人魂魄汲取感動。讀一冊,彈一輪,拍一捲,逛一遭。性與愛擇一而終到死方休,酒與藥只能孤獨個別使用。

肉 體會是衰退化、虛位化的。精神卻不斷前進壯大著。也許科技可以延長壽命,但我們無法強健如山頂洞人鎮日攀山越嶺。身為平地屋人(也許未來對我們的稱呼), 我們可能只不過是提不起也放不下的尷尬過渡,如同曾經被形容過的遠祖。而屆時空間時間等等計量的單位將不存在,史書,只是傳說的東西。

那人生的實踐呢?如果當代是讀萬卷書行萬里路的話;那將來,那如科幻電影般不久的將來,其會像是泡沫一樣的媒介,隔在一渦黑洞與另邊宇宙之間,等待偶然巧合乍閃的流星劃破,成為反射光澤下黯赭的彩虹。

20100918

小走看之小碎嘴 - transfuture / tech, art & performance festival


昨晚和前前後後不同朋友們去'超未來transfuture - 廣達科技表演藝術節'玩耍. 整場開幕活動讓人有些驚喜, 有些遺憾. 在被三五台遊覽車綁架般的帶領下, 一行台北藝文孤魂野鬼浩瀚地往眾人大多不曾踏過的桃園科技新標的 - 廣達電腦總部. 其是一座高晀有菱形天棚中庭的新建築, 雖然整體是科技感十足的空間, 但小細節部份如樓面各廳或上下手扶梯穿堂之間的鴻溝接縫顯然有點唐突, 看到不少人頻頻左扶右傾的跌跤, 想來'百里伯'是不會親臨平民走縱的甬道吧.

首進高階大門內是日本藝術家鈴木康広 Yasuhiro Suzuki的作品 - Blinking Leaves. 四個裝置裡頭其跟比利時藝術家Lawrence Malstaf's Nemo Observatorium最有互相呼應, 彼此對位的感覺. YS的作品在一進入的大廳, 約莫五公尺白色水滴柱狀的向上衝口風扇, 地上方圓十公尺的範圍內佈滿樹葉形正開/反閉的眼睛圖案紙片, 觀者可以拿起大把的紙片置入側體的吸入口, 不消片刻, 藉由風力的抽取, 剛剛投入的紙片往上直衝, 落下是如櫻花如鬼火般的翻轉紙片對你眨眼睛. 日式美學或說和民精神呈現非常一目了然; 極簡弧線的風柱, 櫻花紛落的意像, 如朋友眼睛面罩 (如果你有看日本漫畫二十世紀少年 (20centry boys的話)般的靈魂之葉, 各自傳遞著日本人一絲不苟, 詭譎卻又巧妙融合自然與人造物的共存態度.

回到家後則是一直對Lawrence Malstaf's Nemo Observatorium感到回味盎然及莫名眼熟, 對於沒能親自進入這科技冥想的空間後悔不已; 原來他亦是今年2010 STRP Art and Technology Festival的參展藝術家之一, 之前三不五時在STRP網站上流覽時, 有看過這作品的前導介紹 (http://www.strp.nl/strp/content/artist/231). 此件作品也是玩弄風力與空間的探討. 不同的是, 觀者可以單獨參與在一個方圓三米的圓柱狀pvc帷幕裡, 當風力啓動時, 所有的保力龍粒子會隨之起舞, 由於風轉原理的關係 (身處颱風常客之地的我們應該挺了解), 颱風眼反而是最平靜祥和不受影響的. 因此製造出一種強烈對比, 呈現內/外, 動/靜的反差效果. Lawrence原本是劇場設計出身, 因此對於空間動力學與視覺裝置有很強的直導性, 在不同速率與方向的演繹下, 藝術家探討的是個人時間之感應與空間事件的產生; 而個體單獨性又導致很強的戲劇張力, 所以可以了解為何這裝置前的人龍總是絡繹不決的原因.

國人的兩件作品分別為廖克楠的梵谷眼中與北藝大藝科中心王式藝術家實 驗室 (剛好四位藝術家王俊傑, 王福瑞, 王仲堃與王連晟都姓王!?)的寂靜旅館. 個人對寂靜旅館的互動型式較為好奇, 因為除了互動聲響的隨機碰撞外, 在閃電形光廊的走動過程裡 (尤其若是你可以閉上雙眼), 其目的是探究個人與環境限制中真實虛幻的辨別性 (perspicacity)既節點間的偶發性 (serendipity). 但因為人潮實在太過爆滿, 除了排隊等候群眾外, 總會有三兩學生穿過牆柱間的涵洞導致神魂乍回現世; 我想也許這就是所謂現實內的太虛, 太虛內的現實吧. 至於廖克楠的作品則是以熱光感應為基理, 在物體移動時視訊螢幕會跟著產生不同層次質感色彩之變化. 其實喜好科幻電影的朋友或許會覺得似曾相似的場景片段曾在影片中出現, 而感覺瞬間驚喜. 可我感到再次消費梵谷的又創作在原創性上的力道相對孱弱, 所以並沒多加駐留在此件作品上.

在上到二樓主要表演活動場地後 第一場表演Skyline已經開始, 極度挑高的菱形天棚與科技投影交相輝映出幾何的基本圖構, 尤其在建築體本身樑柱的限制下企圖發揮資訊堆疊的壓迫感, 但其被切割的菱形畫面下感覺些許力有未逮. 不過在如此空峒高敞的場地裡加上這些虛實閃爍的聲光效果, 那種跨越天際超越人性的表現自然而然地會多少反應在觀者的表情與肢體動作上. 可以看到或座與臥, 蹲站倚靠, 各人無不抬頭向上, 彷彿從科技藝術生活中游走的旁觀者轉為向外星力量或異族神祉之膜拜禮讚的參與者. 第二段表演可說是當晚的重頭戲, 由德國聲音藝術家Frank Bretschneider操刀演出. 事前一晚稍稍做了點survey, 知道他是以sine waves & white noise為基調的minimal musician, 早年組團時曾受過達達主義運動的影響. 所以心理頗有期待. 之後, 在主持人自以為趣味的介紹下, F兄總算登場. 一上來就用層層堆積的電子拍動帶領一波波規律卻漸入的微音牆鑽入我的耳朵, 配合著三組led螢幕組合而成之點線面方圓矩形甚或organic的impulsive sequences, 變化著速度與節奏. 突然讓人發現, 不論visual or music, 在越是複雜需要計算mathematical repetitive oscillation的情況下, 操弄simplicity (the eternal impulse/one color tone) & variety (different shapes and speeds of graduation)是製造起承轉合的不二法門, 也或許這是美與科技最後終章的編曲吧. 就像我背著的環保袋昭示一般: "I'm in favor of art but we also need rules." 規範, 於是獸性不再. 而再原始的部落有了shaman, 經過了一層媒介, 就建立了一種權力階級意識. 當下, 我也只好正襟危坐, 不得造次.

最後, 那個強, 說來慚愧, 但似乎好多年沒看過他整場完整的表演了. 而剛回國的幾週就看了他兩場大小不一的演出 (且都免費!), 也許'戲夢人生'不僅是舞台展演, 而是如'他'終場前所說的眾人皆是. 扯遠, 但這場表演跟在the cube是場完全不同的演出. 可能在the cube因為場地調校與音控方面有差, 而曲目樂風的選擇上也不盡相同, 加上警察來搗亂 (amy & jeph辛苦了!), 所以演出可說僅僅略露風采. 但在廣達的表演是場準備完善的出演, 尤其他在Frank Bretschneider上場前甚至整場活動還在萬頭鑽動亂烘烘時已經有些warm-up djing, 所以正式上場時精力充沛. 從東方小調的演繹到帶點jungle & dn'b的肥厚聲響 (我與朋友們開心的奔跳即是明證), 再至stone roses' waterfall然後走入愛情研究院, 最後回歸上海十里洋場造飛機?的風情; 在在證明已過不惑之年的林強在Skyline天際線下正向知天命的創作者邁進. 當然, 影像的分解與晶化既圖層overlapping的功力上與F相比還有成長的空間, 但不損其面向世界的姿態與讓人雙腳舞蹈的魅力. 在近一個鐘頭的時間內各種表演形態的舞種頻頻出籠, 不說好壞, 可以感受台灣人仍具有對表演開放性的爆發力. 尤其在長久的內部對立與媒體控管下集體歇斯底里 (social hysteria)的轟炸後, 也許我們只是需要一場場放開身心的舞動而已.

然 而!? 不知道總有些莫名遺憾吧. 對於四處閃耀五光不只十色的過度燈光 (不知為何燈控如此over, Frank表演時似乎單純多了), 對於主持人不斷來回販賣自我感覺良好的穿插打諢雜唸 (反而打醒了自我省思的窘困), 對於激情過後的美學建立 (什麼時候我們才能從國家性格的表彰到品牌價值觀念的晉端, 而後極簡的風範追求甚或轉至no brand個人形象的風格化 (personalization), 這些種種, 我只能雙手合十的繼續走看碎嘴著.



圖片: 日本藝術家鈴木康広Yasuhiro Suzuki的作品 - Blinking Leaves.
廣達科技表演藝術節網站. http://www.qaf.org.tw/2010techfest/index.html

20100824

我與朋友們

雖然有點戲謔, 但我首先想問的是: 台北市立美術館的功能與目地性想要樹立的是什麼? 對於市民的責任又在哪裡? 台北市立美術館能否在排除政治角力及自我封閉的狀況下, 展演一檔檔具啓發性的展覽? 一個好的展覽不僅僅是藝術作品的呈現或藝術家的介紹, 更是各個軟硬體環節執行力的表示. 尤其以台北市立美術館的角度, 並非典藏古藝術如故宮的角色, 所以該如何擺脫官營機器的印像, 重新塑造一個新形像是至關重要的事.


以我個人的角度來 看, 一間公營的美術館對內應該肩負傳達真善美的感知, 告訴民眾世界各社會階層與藝文場域的脈動. 對外則是應該成為人民美學素養的發生所/發聲筒, 向世人溝通台灣社會面向的發展更迭. 一位成功的館長其實很簡單也很不容易, 但最重要的原則是他/她必須確認美術館的走向. 而這必須兼顧現實面及理想性. 所謂的現實面包括展覽主題性, 展覽檔期的安排 (年度, 月規及日程), 各檔展覽擺設動線的流向既彼此間的關係, 藝術家互相之調配, 館藏和經營的一統, 持續的研究計畫以及對外宣傳的手段跟媒體的曝光等等; 這些當然不必事必躬親, 但都是定調一個美術館風格的基礎, 館長必須了然予心且能夠掌握大致進度, 並給各部門工作人員調配.


理想性是美好的藍 圖, 是一幅教人嚮往欣賞的遠景. 理想中的台北市立美術館應該是在經過二十幾年的發展, 成為一個跨領域的藝文發展中心. 甚至可說, 所謂創意產業的集散地. 因為一間好的美術館除了聚集眾多美好的藝術作品外, 它的社會使命必須有所昭示. 當代藝術不僅是高高在上懸掛在牆的藝術品而已, 它必須對觀者發出共鳴, 進一步影響觀者對這社會的認知, 而能夠產生正面的力量潜移默化我們生活的世界. 好的藝術作品可使人省思, 令人發噱, 教人垂涕, 感動人心地產生一股社會集體的力量, 而產生微密的細小個人革命在我們環境周遭. 而跨領域的多重身分可說非常適合美術館本身, 因為藝術行為或作品本來就是不斷演化而來, 各個產業都對藝術有所互動, 如顏料的進化產出, 布料針織的進展, 印刷技術的改良, 投影或led燈泡的色調、變化與壽命發展, 或說video軟體規格的時日改變等等, 這些對藝術品的成果都有或多或少的影響. 反之, 在藝術家實驗這些不同改變的同時, 美術館本身的跨領域研究就相對重要. 因為它可以提供藝術家一個諮詢討論的場所, 創造debate的空間, 增加彼此間的互動, 甚或是讓民眾搜尋相關的知識, 讓這些藝文新知融入應用在一般普羅大眾的生活裡, 建立國民美學的基準, 而不僅僅是展覽的場所而已.


如 果我成為台北市立美術館的館長, 我會想要策劃一檔認識"我與朋友們"的展覽. 因為我想認識自己最好的方式應該是請你親近的好友來訴說. 出國讀書了幾年, 我深深的感覺到他人與自己對台灣認識的不足, 並常提問自己對這塊土底又了解或說能宣揚多少? 在我僅有的25個邦交國內, 我更好奇這25個國家的藝文場域的發展為何? 或這些國家的藝文從事者們對台灣不論社經或藝文生態的了解又是如何? 她們對世界的觀察是用著什麼樣的角度在觀看? 在接收世界的龐大媒體機器如cnn or bbc, 或極小個人化網絡的消息流通下, 我們這群對世界不具強勢影響力的國家可對這世界叢生的現象有何種表態? 這些種種是我所好奇的事. 而北美館館長能夠利用其身分將藝術影響發揮到何種深度與廣度, 創造一波波社會討論議題的話, 那才是北市市民之福.






邦交國 [AS]亞洲:0 + [EU]歐洲:1 + [AF]非洲:6 + [OA]大洋洲:6 +[NA]北美洲:11 + [SA]南美洲:1 + [AN]南極洲:0 = [邦交國]:25 個


[VA]教廷(梵蒂岡) Holy See (Vatican City State) (IC) 邦交國 {[EU]歐洲}
[BF]布吉納法索 Burkina Faso (UN) 邦交國 {[AF]非洲}
[GM]甘比亞 Gambia (UN) 邦交國 {[AF]非洲}
[MW]馬拉威 Malawi (UN) 邦交國 {[AF]非洲}
[ST]聖多美普林西比 Sao Tome and Principe (UN) 邦交國 {[AF]非洲}
[SZ]史瓦濟蘭 Swaziland (UN) 邦交國 {[AF]非洲}
[TD]查德 Chad (UN) 邦交國 {[AF]非洲}
[KI]吉里巴斯 Kiribati (UN) 邦交國 {[OA]大洋洲}
[MH]馬紹爾群島 Marshall Islands (UN) 邦交國 {[OA]大洋洲}
[NR]諾魯 Nauru (UN) 邦交國 {[OA]大洋洲}
[PW]帛琉 Palau (UN) 邦交國 {[OA]大洋洲}
[SB]索羅門群島 Solomon Islands (UN) 邦交國 {[OA]大洋洲}
[TV]吐瓦魯 Tuvalu (UN) 邦交國 {[OA]大洋洲}
[BZ]貝里斯 Belize (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[CR]哥斯大黎加 Costa Rica (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[DO]多明尼加 Dominican Republic (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[GT]瓜地馬拉 Guatemala (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[HN]宏都拉斯 Honduras (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[HT]海地 Haiti (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}[KN]
聖克里斯多福 Saint Kitts and Nevis (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[NI]尼加拉瓜 Nicaragua (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[PA]巴拿馬 Panama (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[SV]薩爾瓦多 El Salvador (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[VC]聖文森 Saint Vincent and The Grenadines (UN) 邦交國 {[NA]北美洲}
[PY]巴拉圭 Paraguay (UN) 邦交國 {[SA]南美洲}


ps:[IC]表示 非聯合國會員國

20100802

No expert walks steady

No matter where I am, who I've become or who I will be, can I wipe my guilt out of my mind? Or, can I really be satified myself at the present status, in the matter of time. There are a lot of sentimental feelings that are playing the wrestle to each other. I love I hate, I feel shame to be proud. It used to be the comparison in the shadow, now it's the ambition to be the ghost. And it's all about oneself, which is me. But all I want to do is make my family proud of me, to have smiles with the joyful tears, say loudly to their surroundings. But the money, those coins and currencies, those worth made by trees and metals, are things people used to judge the universal everything, in this reality. To weight what we need in our life, physically. I don't know since when, things were changed. The spirit after we died with 21 grams, is no longer to be the word. The heart goes with its belonging that is denied by the society, we are locked in the dead lane by the fear, afarid to fly high without the..., insurence.

I don't know what I'm saying, but probably, I want to tell you that, I hope I'm doing the right thing without any harmful effect; and rest of them, I just pray for the god which should be something beyond the life and death, and wish it gives me a praise after these and those to be done, nicely.


PS. to my dear dad, mum, bro and young passed sis; and anyone who is struggling for his/her dream.

20100707

Ships

Sometimes I wish to be a mere brush of paint in Bob Ross' joyful painting, that would be easier to live in this world I bet. Too many temptations, too less satisfications; too much in getting lost, too low while going down.

I don't have the gang of bang. A group of bodies yelling to do everything. Sharing the alike pot or cursing the same movie. It doesn't mean that I didn't make good friends. I did. I've known some superb friends, no matter in Taiwan or in the Netherlands. But if you ask me 'who is your best friend/gang in your life?' Then I could only say nothing but a stiff smile.

I'm politely making relationships. To deal with people by kind but distant attitute. People like me in the first glance most of time. Although most of them have recognized it gradually: 'ohh, he is a such nice guy, but how can I share/be shared the life with/by him?'

I miss Ma, a friend of mine, who used to be a great free lance graphic deisgner, but went to a mental hostpital and lost the contact eventually, before I left overseas. I thought about Bin, an old fellow we knew each other when we were fourteen, now he works in an antique shop more than ten years, but still unable to get the promotion by his boss. I dreamed of Jam, a high school mate, who makes the stage properties for TV Ads for living, rarely to see emotions on his face but is a wonderful company. I still see Niu, my lovely sister, a naughty furry creature I picked up on the street in the '80s, passed away couple years ago, and now sleeps somewhere inside the mountain behind my home.

Some people you know you can only be able to share a certain thing with them, but you would like to beside of them to chat bare one thing, whether the time is playing the trick or not. And occasionally, you would realize, the so called 'relationship' is a task for a period of time, to maintain it that is depending on your struggle and their attempts; the glitch happens all the time in this 'time machine'.

But you know what? The loneliness is always in ferment.

20100630

阿姆斯特丹的斟與酌

分別跟不同時來訪的朋友起了大小程度的口角。老實說也不是第一次。但隱隱思考是否自己一直以來太過地謹慎與自閉,導致相處上總是予人緘默困難。雖說自認還算是個隨和的人,不過總是有莫名的原則。也許交代跟默契上總是自以為的認定無誤,可總在事後很多懊悔。無論對錯,出現負面的情緒感覺就是輸了。

是個孤寡的人。不願惜只能抱怨,不管自我或他者。眼神流竄蓬勃,開花結果沒有。愛情,是攜子之手的晴天泡沫,轉瞬不破也飛走。成家立業之實現僅是辭典成語的編彙。擁有龐雜計畫藍圖,卻人生舞台程咬金殺進殺出。在幻象之後,希望夢想出頭。

Photo: the hall way of 2nd floor @ OT301.

20100610

Applications and interviews.

All the studios request the command in Dutch. However, they all want to be internationally successful in the business and teams; moreover, they all like to have a piece of Chinese pie if they could (perhaps that's why they wanted to see me then refused me personally). But man, I'm from Taiwan, an island you don't even be able to point out the position on the map. A country which has not admitted by United Nations (yeah so you don't know me I can't blame you). A nation whom has probably 30 friendships around the world (mostly in the Middle America and Africa; yeah yeah, you called them 'the third world'). And we are the tribe of people whom had been colonized by Dutch, Spanish, Japanese, American and Chinese (what a great influence by those spectacular civilizations).

So do you know how precious I am on the Earth!?

20100604

頭痛欲裂. 並非釘刺或絞痛, 而是不斷腫脹, 彷彿腦漿擠推頭骨, 頭骨又壓迫頭皮似的緊繃漲撐; 又像是鼓滿氣的汽球, 卻不知是下一秒鐘還下一甲子才爆炸. 兩側太陽穴與眉間像玩地鼠機般地隨意探出腫脹感, 連帶頸肩也痠麻了起來. 有時會影響到手臂上肢, 手指的感觸都遲鈍了好些. 真不知是我太孱弱還是身體太剛強. 也許操縱這身體的大腦中樞打算來場同歸於盡的逆襲吧. 
 
靈魂, 這時一點都派不上用場.

20100516

Mood for a Day.


My lullaby. My tears would drop on the ground slowly in my imagination while I close my eyes and listen the song repetitively. Slowly, the word appears the presence properly. It's like the rain falling on the window in a Summer afternoon, the picture front of my eyes is a misty mystery. I bet that is the vogue illusion between the fingers and strings. Everything has vanished while I listening the melody, even the absence is gone. If a relationship between two persons can be the scene like the nimble finers playing the strings of the guitar, that would be the most beautiful song ever. No need the words, just still, let the emotion sits on the seat comfortably. The minimum and continuous movement between each finger would generate the peaceful aura, that supports me to find the relief in the misery. Like the pale old photos, it cannot help but has to be. The repititive nowadays turn into the past, the future occur before the sudden.

'Therefore?'


'Mm, wonderful.' 'The marveious four steps in the composition.'


'It's solemn and graceful tune.'


'It's great and points out the value of imperfection, just love it.'


我的安魂曲。閉上眼重複聆聽淚水就緩慢的跟畫面一起出現
。 緩慢,這兩字適如其份的顯示存在。那有點像夏日午後遭落 雨滴灑的玻璃窗,朦朧暈染呈現。我想是那指節之間的迷離 飄惚上身吧。聽著聽著好像一切都沒了,連沒有都停止。如 果人與人之間的情愫也像吉他弦邊流暢撥動的指尖,那會是 最美麗的一首歌。無須言語,安靜的,情感也能夠舒懷安坐。 這麼般持續與微速相互比擬之下所產生的氛圍,叫人放心 的悲哀。如老照片的昏黃,不得已卻又理所當然。現在的重複成 為過去。未來在靈光剎那之前。

“所以?“


“嗯,好。““起承轉合。“


“肅穆的輕盈。“


“挺好。標示出完美的缺陷。我喜歡。“




*Inspired by Mood For a Day, performed by Steve Howe from Yes. Picture taken at the scene of a fashion catalogue, Taiwan.

20100512

Riding on the youth. 腳踏青春。


Lately I've enjoyed to riding on the streets again. The physical exercise. Riding, that means using my full energy to circle the chain. Step by step, biking the bike. Re-discover the streets and routes. The minimum speed to moving forward by two wheels. To observe the alleys and lanes of the city by sitting on the high seat.

If I lift up my head a bit then I can see the people doing their households inside the wall. There is a playoff series - Dallas Mavericks v.s. Phoenix Suns playing on the TV, I wish the long-hairy Stevie can be able to win the game. There are some flowers blossoming in the garden; the orchid and the morning glory have a competition about the hue and the fragrance. The white, the yellow, the pink, the orange, the red and the purple are showing off their pureness in the spectrum, yet I can't wait all the flowers blossoming out; I can merely miss the scent after I slide with my bike quietly.


I usually move away with my iPod. That's double joys while biking. The picture of the streets become a non-stop music video when I athletically follow the groove with music and biking. I've seen a red bee paused on a tire of a bus, I don't know she is alive or not, after the green light buzzing. Perhaps she finally completed her struggle life in finding the honey. Sometimes I 'cross-over' the tar and the pavement in a journey, moving like the trendy term, meanwhile, it makes me feel I'm really 'in' this society.


Although I always feel gloomy to situate in the city, but it ain't bad to have a chilly mood occasionally. Maybe it can help me cure of my lazy heart in the end. Meantime, I find the common things are different due to the diverse angle to observe it. Some shops and corners are more interesting while I passing by. At the day times, I can value the interior of the ice cream shop that matches with its flavor or no; during the nights, I can find night snack shops to one kilometer far away outside of my house. Because of the limitless and flexibility of bicycle, I can pass by the traffic light and let the cab driver glances me the jealous sight, that gives me the finest high. When the wind blows under the sunshine while I biking, I can sense my friend's saying:


"You look like riding on the youth!"


Yeah, the youth; probably the thing I want to chase after that is the forever youth.


最近開始重拾騎車的樂趣。真正的身體力行;騎乘,使用體
力 的踏出每一環圈。腳踏,車走。對於街道的重新探險。微速的兩 輪移動。高一截的觀看這個城市巷弄。

稍稍抬頭可以看見圍牆內的人家舉動。電視裡撥的小牛對太
陽 的比賽,期待長髮飄揚的Nash能贏吧。花圃裡種的牽牛 花與文心蘭在互相比較香味和顏色,白的黃的粉的桃的紅的 紫的繽紛綺麗;等不及它們全數綻放,我已經蹓躂滑行過去待將 來緬懷氣息。

通常會搭配iPod隨身移動。那是種樂趣的雙重加倍。配
合 著音樂與運動,街景畫面就成為一隻隻的MTV。看到紅色 蜜蜂停在公車車輪下,綠燈一閃我往前卻不知它死生何時; 它辛勤的採蜜蜂生也許就這樣結束了。有時柏油路有時紅磚 道的交叉前進,像是crossover般的潮流前衛感對於速 度。移動,這時顯得必須 trendy起來。

雖說這城市總是烏煙瘴氣著,但能夠以悠閒的態度融合總是
不 賴。也許長久下去能夠治療我“心與賴”的結合。這時發覺 平常輕易經過的事物因為角度的不同而新奇了起來。一些店 家、角落變得更為有趣。白晝可以知道新開的果汁吧滋味跟 裝潢是否搭嘎;夜間宵夜尋覓時分不必只能在以家裡為方圓 的五百公尺搜尋。由於腳踏車的自由性與不受限制,我能夠 從容渡過無人等候的紅綠燈任由後方駕駛投以欣羨的眼神相 對。那實在爽快。而當風徐徐吹過時可以感受到如友人所說:

“騎車真是青春啊~!”


是的,青春。也許我從來想要追逐的就是青春吧。




*Dedicate to my friend Ma, who is losing in the life maze; translation from my previous prose.

20100423

The exotic land.

Ohh~, Salvador, Salvador, Salvador.

If I could be there then I would say: "The ground is like a strong brownie cake!'

Of course this is based on Ego-Wrappin's records, the warm lazy voice is like the mermaid singing, to seduce me digging into the non-stop tracks. As well as the show-off smile on Ian's face in 'Life and Traveling' channel; or, his wrinkle on his cheek. How about the sunshine over there? I bet that would be the Sun at this noon, the temperture would wake me up naturally. It would be the alarm to affect my sense of hearing, but beginning from skins, slowly. It won't be the dominated noise to attack my ears , while it still kissing with the pillow.

'Come on, I thought you said "the first pick in my mind to be a passenger that is Jamica, the home town of Raggae!" "Bob Marley lies on the green grasses, besides yellow flowers, with big red sunset, smoking and waving his hand and ask you to come!" Did you see that?'

Of course Jamica is still my favorite. But I'm a capricornius guy and have numerous desires, because I'm just a normal human being, like we can't stop to buy those no-immeditate-no-needed luxury. I just can't help it. To get into the 'Zen' eternally that is not an easy task. My brother has told me: 'when his classmate servered in the army, he was assigned to Salvador to be the lieutenant. The army even subsidized him to learn Spanish, before he went there.' 'Wow, to speak latino language with native speakers in Salvador, indeed that is incomparable with speaking Spanish in Taipei this urban Jungle, especially when you know you may touch the died valcano, to see the ruined vestige from Maya or Martian or whatever it is; instead of speaking the foriegn monologue with youself in your city.

Let's step backward to the reality. At least when I step backward to my desk I can play the fabulous music singing out the Jamica, or drink the cup of coffee imported from Salvador. This kind of day dream is too selfward, but if I have to hide the feeling to enjoy the cup of coffee at this cold winter day due to guilty, then I really don't know how to situate with myself. To escape from this reality that's like the movie characters 'falling love in Buenos Aires, saying farewell in Iguazu waterfall', the transition becames the Odyssey to scour out the Utopia.

'Let's drift to somewhere!'

Yeah, the coffee drank into my throat is from Salvador, the movie playing front my eyes is about Argentina, and the song dancing in my ears is based at Jamica; all these appearences indicate me that the exotica is everywhere we want it to be. You know what? it's just like the new Russian restaurant opened at the corner of the cross roads recently, and I've got a Russian dolls from the flea market, the extension and dislocation of national identities that is the role-playing in our lives, we experience the cultural imitation at every morning when we open our eyes.

'So why the song is still so sorrowful?'

It's always like that. Like Afro Jazz, Brazil Samba and India Goa, The melody from these places telling the unknown romantic stories that always attract people to search the different folks, because we always like to be the foremost trailblazer to seeking these spetacular scenes!

"No, no I can't talk no more, otherwise I must go to the booth to purchase the flight ticket!"



---



薩爾瓦多,薩爾瓦多,薩爾瓦多。

到那的話大地會像是鬆軟的芋泥蛋糕吧。這種說法當然也是立基於 ego-wrappin’的唱片之上;不過溫暖的感覺就是這麼美好的使人不捨放手沈醉在重複 裡。就像成為knowledge頻道裡伊恩快樂賊悉的笑臉;或,僅只是嘴角上揚的那道細膩皺紋也好。所以太陽呢?那時太陽會永遠是今天中午叫人起床的溫 度,微慢的鬧鐘聲響轉化知感從皮膚親近開始。不會有尖銳的剝奪,在你髮梢耳垂之際。

可我說你不是最喜歡牙買加的嗎?雷鬼呀雷鬼耶。Bob Marley踩在紅黃綠的雲霧上向你招手著你看到沒?

當然呀我還是最愛它的;只不過偶一為之的凸錘放任這種美感實在叫人無法停歇,就像你愛買書愛買碟愛買衣愛買鞋的物慾一樣,忍不住的,有時,出世禁止。我哥 說他同學當了國防外交役的薩爾瓦多使節,出“兵“前還國家補助免資學習西班牙文3個月呢。咿咿呀呀的咬舌舔齒令人好不羨慕。尤其當你知道碰觸的到火山灰, 看得到馬雅或還是外星人?whatever…的昔日巢穴;而非在這煙囪樓管林立的都市高人一級講話,語焉不詳,無人傾聽。

退一步吧。退後點至少能聽到美妙的音樂,不是拉丁綺麗的哼哈也可以喝喝美洲的咖啡的。這樣的牽連雖說是有點顧影自憐;可在冬日的享受如果連自己泡杯不知來 源的咖啡都得躲藏的話那我真不知該如何自處了。而逃離之後黎耀輝跟何寶榮說著道別;屆時那旋轉瀑布不會只在我房間中成為微弱的燈火閃爍,我也能茲意開懷享 受水珠濺灑身軀的快感。

有三項囉。是呀,至少喉嚨裡的薩爾瓦多、眼睛上的布宜諾斯艾利斯,以及耳朵內的牙買加這些都告訴我中南美來了;不遠所在皆有。就像你知道嗎?在大路交接之 處有間新開的俄羅斯餐廳,我房間裡也有擺放俄羅斯出嫁娃娃一樣;不同空間的錯置延伸是你是我是他抑或她的角色扮演,知足常樂人說。

那為何她歌聲聽來還那麼慼妴勒,薩爾瓦多?

總是會有的。像瑞典像馬達加斯加像薩爾瓦多,不知名地方的浪漫情調勾人心水,這種射出就是要叫人空怨懟遙想,未知地方的敗壞最美;我想我再說也是得訂機票 了。



*translation from my previous prose, inspired by those entertainments and commodity.

20100419

Sweetness. 甜美.

I would like to say something about beauty and sweetness. So I melt into the "air" to have a "moon safari". This is a round of tango, this is a chapter of teasing. Of course, I'm never good at living casual days and throw away the anxiety in my life; but occasionally, I'd prefer to lie down on someone's body and feel choked by two naked bodies folding together. And I thought it isn't bad, it's pretty nice. Even more, it can be able to cure of some conditions while stoping to have those 'thoughts' in my mind.

"Sexy boy."

"I want to be a sexy boy."

"I am a sexy boy."

 "Whooo~." I must have a deep breath. "Deep" should be the verb at the "incoming time", you and me and everybody knows about it. And "smooth like the silk" is a relative term to describe the slick skin on your body. It's not about grammar, it's about the basic moves that interact each ohter's bodies with unstoppable hooking.

Each of us has two lips, when four lips stick on each other, I call it "fantasy". The dreamlike membrane between our lips transforms to the eternal ray light, while the lips touching together. Meanwhile, I'm the melody, you're the lyrics. The breath in our surroundings would be the scene of hummingbird pecking the honey. Thus, this second results a gorgerous story.

Most of time, the monologue occurs in the dreams. it appears in a certain moment then disappears in the next instant; such as the blossomy wallpaper in the MTV. When the sunset and clouds had the battle at the end of the day, I grabbed some sweetness. Yes, sweetness, I've got the sweetness at the moment.

---

我想說些甜膩華美的事物。於是我融入空氣想來場月光狩獵。這是一次挑逗,一回試探。當然讓焦慮追在悠閒後面跑不是我所擅長的事;可偶爾讓身體鬆塌肉與肉相 貼著緊扣並且感到窒息還不壞,很不賴。且“想“停住後這感覺似乎總是能治療什麼吧。

sexy boy。

我當sexy boy。

我成為sexy boy。

呼~~~。我得深呼吸一下。“深“得是個動詞;這時,你我皆知。而所謂光滑柔嫩是一種相對性的形容詞。我知道這無關知識;不過基本動作的交相互動稱為“美 好“,這是停不住的。

一人兩片,四瓣交接,叫做“fantasy“。夢幻的薄膜牽連在接觸的一煞那變成永恆;那刻,我是辭句,你是旋律。散發在四周的點點滴滴,交織成如蜂鳥採 蜜的形象。於是,這秒誕生了一個童話。

囈語多在夢裡出現。如同MTV裡的花卉壁紙一樣,瞬間開放又消逝。在夕陽和雲浪互爭先後之際,我搶到了些甜美。是的,當下擁有些微甜美。



*translation from my previous prose, inspired by Air and Yes; photo taken at Pompidou, Paris.

20100418

Referent. 指涉.

"If I've got one more ticket, would you like to go with me?" "I~, Will~, Be~, Back!"

Sometime the life and dramas are playing cross-over to each other, and hardly identify which is the imitation and
which is the real life situation.

'2am passed ten, I have to wake up early to work.' I always remind myself like that. I don't know when is the time that I can say anything I want to and have no hesitation. 'Sucks!' I want to scream to everyone all around the world.

Love makes big trouble, even "the Troy" was caused by the four letters word. If I can be able to feel painful that means I still have the sense of pain. To live in the times that the ADs can only play the homophones, it makes me looking forward all the gossips such as Tom Cruise 'coming-out-of-the-box, caught by his wife' etc. Meantime perhaps my peripheral nerves can be pulsed a bit, and my cheeks can be moving upward.

Mum made a big pot of soup. I drank two small bowls to cheer her up. Deep Dish sings "Mohammend is Jesus", the "what-a-wonderful-world" Ray who is sleeping in the grave. The cruelty is like a toy played by us. If people cannot afford to buy the toy then they will look at the loneliness, they thought if they look at it longer enough, at least they can be a toy to be played.

My polaroid was piss-off, because it could only catch the snap shots. Perhaps I should buy a flight ticket, either going to Iceland or Greenland. The green emergency light pointed towards the "Sin City" desktop on my screen; when I wanted to cry, I thought about where shall I be crying loud instead of who should be the one crying with.

The death scares people due to the unknown, the life causes us suffering through the well-known. Which is just like Al Pacino saying in the movie - "The Devil's Advocate": "Look but don't touch, touch but don't taste; taste, but don't swallow!" Therefore our desires bend to referent, and people rely on the imagination to excite them moving forward.

If there is the chemistry between two persons that would be the perfect relationship. But probably that's why nowadays the chemistry becomes a kind of mystery. I don't even have the consistant ability between my heart and my body, so I can blame nobody but myself. I often imagine the most beautiful song in the world, that should be our joyful moans singing on the bed in our souls.

Perhaps I shall go to sleep, lie down immeditately; maybe I shouldn't drink the cup of coffee, sleep late so frequently. If I can make a wish, I would wish myself as the "Milkman" in Aphix Twin's CD, in that time, I hope I've got a black one to drink.

---

“如果有多張船菲,你會否同我齊走?”“I will be back.”

有時候電影人生、人生電影交錯縱橫就是這麼回事。

兩點多,明天要早起去上班。總是這樣告誡自己。可以大聲無愧說出自己心裡所想的時刻何時才會到呢?sucks!我想吼叫讓全世界都聽到。

TROY的木馬屠城跟阿基理斯腱原來都是愛情惹的禍。難過,只是因為還有知覺。生活於王力宏與黃綠紅在螢幕裡的時代,會讓人期待嚴凱泰出櫃;也許那末梢神 經會跳動一下,屆時,我的兩頰能往上牽動。

媽今天作了桌菜。我湯喝了兩碗。而Deep Dish說Mohammed Is Jesus;敢唱what a wonderful world的雷已逝。冷漠像個玩具被把玩著,玩不起的人就盯著孤單;彷彿盯久盯多之後,至少也能當個玩具。

我的拍立得很Piss Off,因為它在射出時只能捕捉瞬間。也許我該買張機票,去不了冰島至少去綠島。綠色的疏散方向燈指著紅色的sin city;想哭得時候會先想到這是哪裡而不是到誰懷裡哭。

死亡會讓人懼怕是因為未知,生活使人痛苦則是因為感知。就像Al Pacino在魔鬼代言人說的:“可以看卻不能摸,可以摸卻不能嚐。”慾望於是偏向指涉,人們靠著想像過日子。

默契是完美的。因此它才成為傳說。而我跟自己都沒有默契,所以也怪不得別人。我想人間最美麗的一首歌,就是嗯嗯啊啊的歡愉在誕生。

也許我該睡了,也許我該倒了;也許我不該喝咖啡,也許我不該熬夜。如果可以的話我想成為Aphex Twin的Milkman,每天只要咕嚕咕嚕就好;那時,希望能出黑色口味。



*translation from my previous prose, photo taken at Kroller Muller Museum Arnhem, Nederland; inspired by the movies, ADs and music in all of the above.

20100417

Though. 了.


It's finished, though. The facial cream given by my ex-girlfriend was finished recent days, and thrown into the trash can though. Maybe the scent will stay in the room on my body for few more days, but it's going to become the part of memory, waiting for someone who has the same smell passing me by to recall the scent in my mind. Sometimes you can gradually forget the sentiments on someone, but about those flavors, which is just like the tasty Cantonese restaurant, where always attracts me to go there again. However, how about if the people never shared same commons with me in my life but only paased by on the streets? How can we retain the repetitive sensibility, or say, to forget?

Got flu though. I have to absorb plenty of water to overwhelm the virus, then take the numerous tissues to let the virus running out with my nose. I have no idea can we talk about relationships by this sort of procedure; or shall we yell with Lenny Kravitz to sing the 'Let love rule'? If we have to define those morals and manners by the National law, like some political talk show guests saying; how about love? Or like? And ambiguous emotions? With favorable impressions? If the sight can clarify something from our souls, then the smile should be able to categorize something else.


Going to work, though. There are always matches happening at the office. No matter you would like to participate or play within it. If you are not dating with A girl, either you are teasing with B lady; otherwise, you would have had the relationship with C man. This kind of food chains game makes me hate the species of human being. If animals could classify the nature, they probably would consider us as the harmful insect. The state of assigned construction is pretty much the same as the system of bureaucracy, sometimes, it excites me the desire back to the free lancer life.


It's typhoon though. Its name is as same as the hurtful one from the six years ago. At lease the weater report said so. Would the coincidental names occur in our relationships time by time? Does the way she/he walk, the tension she/he make, and the tears she/he drop that is same as the last time? Do the days she/he stay as same as the last one? Can we prepare this love/disaster prevention beforehand? How can we return the regular life after we finished this time? Nobody knows, like the weather report, it always has the great faults when we need the precise prediction. I brought the umbrella but sunny, I wanted to have a picnic but raining; I wore the wool coat then coming sunshine, I put on a vest then fucking windy.


I still miss somehow though. I'd had the missing feeling. But perhaps it's kind of usage of loneliness. While I miss something then the feeling transforms to loneness, when I feel lonely then I start to missing someone again. A transformation of the triangle quiz. Sometimes I just want to listen Thom Yorke singing the happy tone like Tahiti 80, if he can be able to sing the wonderful tone, then I can give up the blue sarrow.


---


用完了。前女友送的洗面乳前陣子擠出最後一滴汁液後,被
我 丟到回收筒了。也許味道還會殘留幾天;但我想之後也會像 回憶一樣,等待偶爾擦身而過的嗅覺重疊吧。有時候你可以 對某人的想法或記憶逐漸淡忘,但那種種滋味,就像我總會 再去的那間大排檔,始終會再來吃一次。可是未曾交集過的呢? 那些層層堆積的感觸該如何保留,或說怎麼遺忘?

感冒了。必須大量攝取水份以淹沒病毒,再抽無數衛生紙讓
其 隨水分流出。不知道感情可否像這樣擁抱程序;或說該跟Lenny Kravitz一起聲嘶力竭的唱出Let Love Rule。如果應該把某些道德規範如楊憲宏所講訂於法律之下的話。那愛呢?或者喜歡?還是曖昧?又如好感?要是眼神能夠說明什麼,那笑容也得歸類一下吧。

上班了。在公司總是會有種種配對流連發生。不管你要或不
要, 玩或不玩。如果你不跟A女在一起就得跟B女有牽連;不 然,你也跟C男發生關係。這種像似食物鏈的遊戲讓人討厭 人類這種禽獸。我想動物要是也在評比的話,會覺得我們才 是一群害蟲吧。這種組織分配的形態非常之權力意識;有時,讓 我忍不住想回歸無冕生活。

颱風了。與六年前讓人受傷的同名同性格。至少氣象局這樣
說 的。是否戀愛也會出現這樣相似的男男女女在你周遭來來去 去呢?她/他行走的姿態/路徑任性/風吹的級數淚滴/雨 下的程度是否相同呢?相處/停留的日子天數是否一樣呢? 我們可否提前作好戀愛/風暴的防戀/颱準備呢?結束之後 又該如何恢復往昔的規律呢?沒人知道,就像氣象預報;總 是偏差值居多。該打傘就放晴,要郊遊偏驟雨;穿外套豔陽天, 著背心刮冷風。

想念了。我對於想念的感覺很思念。但也只基於一種習慣的
寂 寞而已。想念習慣寂寞,寂寞習慣想念。一種三角習題的變形。 有時候也不過想要Thom Yorke唱的跟Tahiti 80一樣開心。如果他能夠如此開懷,那我會捨棄憂傷吧。



*translation from my previous prose, photo taken at the cinema museum, Berlin.

20100414

When it falls


"Do you know the slat blue velvet? It mixes with the jujube silk and golden lace."

"The blue velvet sounds so fragmental."

"Yeah, the fragmental blue..."

It's foggy, and raining shower frequently. So you couldn't see the mountains getting alone with each other when you look afar of the city. I'm not a superstitious guy, but sometimes I'll be directed by the indications. The sign is alway like a ghost, appears from the left eye then disappears from the right eye. The temperature here is not super low to my tolerant limit, but the cold winds always slips into my neckline, two sleeves and the seam of trousers; like the clouds naturally flow far away then melting with the sky. The traffic light red, yellow and green are dancing the Tango with the brakes of my bike, and sometimes I really don't want to care all the shits in my life, just let them get in the crash. Everybody is equal in the parallel timeline, walking step by step in our times, however, why do I still desire to fly as high as the sky? There is a pleasant sound, called "music". When you soak into the melody, it's similar you putting on the fuzzy hat, wearing the Gore-Tex snow jacket and wool socks, covering the goose feather blanket and lie down on my queen size bed. Or, it's also like you wearing nothing with you dark fingers and blank cheeks, and the black lips and shaking teeth, on the frozen ground, standing. These kind of scenes make me dizzy.



"Do you like to go to the heaven?"

" Perhaps. But I would like to see the hell as well."
 
"Mm. Hope the weather will be getting warm these couple days."

"Yeah, but I like the sweater with hat, like someone is saying sweets softly at your ears."
 
 "Sweets softly..."

After raining, there is a restart atmosphere on the streets. The tars on the roads are purified grey, the water is busy to find the seams to the underground; meanwhile, the liquid is not like the thing we used to know, it's coated black, like an opportunist follows the stream flowing away. I would believe there are another two egos same as me. They are also typing the alphabets, drawing the picture, listening songs and swallowing the spit. So don't talk to me about "unique", the uniqueness is Socrates, Plato, Aristotle and so on. Nowadays everything is synthesized and imitated by the future of former days. I trust the sadness, and I hate the truth. Perhaps everything will be forgotten when I restart it again, just like Leslie Chang saying in the movie: "let's restart once again, how about that?" Otherwise, it's just the "death" like people say.



"You tell me; without the memory, can we say that the mankind is still alive?"

" I don't know, perhaps I should give it a try."

"Try about what?"

"Try to delete the past."

" Don't always be concerning all the things in your mind."

"There are too many details, I have to be an information addict to pick it up."

"The music is playing the sounds."

"Yeah I've heard everything when it falls."



---



“你知道藍色呢絨嗎?再混著棗色絲綢與金紅色鑲邊。“

“好撕裂的憂傷呀。“

“是呀。““好撕裂的憂傷…“


濛濛的,有時飄雨,所以往遠方望去就看不到包圍這城市高低相與的山。我不是很迷信的人,不過有時卻會被暗示一直引導著。徵兆總是鬼魅,左眼閃過,右眼消 去。這樣的天氣並沒冷到什麼極限,但那絲絲冷風總會從袖口領間褲縫等等地方灌入;好像雲飄到遠方就跟天融為一體了。紅燈黃燈綠燈綠燈黃燈紅燈與煞車間跳著 探戈,有時真不想插手管它們的閒事,就讓他去。在時間軸上來說每個人都是平行的,走著一個接一個的刻度;所以,為何我想飛呢?有種好聽的聲音,叫做音樂。 究極的講,戴著毛帽穿著羽狨衣裹著鵝毛被套著羊毛襪軟塌著有點類似。可一絲不掛讓你指甲發黑嘴唇發紫兩頰發白牙齒打顫也是。那讓我暈眩。




“你想去天堂嗎?“

“應該吧。不過我也想去地獄看看。“

“嗯。““希望天氣好轉些。“

“嗯,不過我喜歡套頭帽T;好像有人在你耳邊呢喃的溫軟。“

“呢喃…“


下雨過後,有種重新開始的氣息在街道游走,路面上的柏油被洗刷過似的泛灰,水漬找著細縫鑽入;這時它不像我們所認識的液體,黑漆漆的,像個投機份子竄動。 我願意相信這世上有另兩個與我相同的人,也打著字,畫著圖,聽著歌,吞著口水,所以別再說著獨特;所謂的與眾不同是叫做有巢氏燧人氏神農氏等等之流,一切 的現在都是“之前“以後的合成複製。我相信了悲傷,我恨了真實。也許這一切都會在我忘了後重新開始;就像何寶榮說得一樣,又或是人們說的“死亡“。


“你說,沒了回憶還算活著嗎?“

“我也不知道;也許我該試試。“


“試什麼?“


“試著試試。“


“你別總是耿耿於懷。“


“細節太多,我得像資訊狂一樣挑著。“


“音樂出來了。“


“嗯,我聽到每個事物的滑落了。“



*Translation from my previous prose, inspired by Zero 7. 

20100412

Such a day. 如此白天。

Tumbling and dazzled,  so I could only be awoke by the sick feeling and give up the sweated bed. Straightened my back, lifted my blanket, sprained my tail bone and neck; the blinking view before I opened the seam of my eyes that was like a hazy spider web, but I was still able to see the drop stained with the eyelashes. Perhaps that was the tear in a mysterious dream and that might be alright.

"The influence and damage of biological changes caused by the illnesses - how to apply the medical treatments to cure of the physical conditions." That would be the subject of today. In parents' concern that would be: "Do you need a ton of tea or water, to sleep some more minutes and take a pill, or go to the doctor later on?" Therefore I needed to lie down once again, must be slept-in the bed more awhile. Such a day.

Then I could barely glance at the grey sky and not be able to see the sun, it's gone unconsciously; and besides the healthy, all the schedules and agenda in this life could be thrown away. Do you know if there were "you" and you are here.

"There's a dead man in my bed." Nice Cave was singing the song.

---

翻著也恍惚,於是只好拋棄黏膩汗水被昏拉起床。挺身,掀起棉被,扭轉頸子,張眼前黑暗與光線交接瞬間的薄霧像蜘蛛絲;但我還看得到沾在睫毛上的水珠,也許是不知道哪個夢的淚那也還不壞吧。

“疾病代表的身體機能停頓與破壞之影響及其後續處理方法。“今天的中心德目如果以父母親的角度來說應該是“感冒了要不要去看醫生吃個藥多喝水休息呀?“於是我又倒下,得賴個床。如此白天。

然後不知不覺已經看不見太陽只能瞧到灰色的天而人生上除健康外的各種事項只好先放下。你知道嗎要是有你知道你在的話。

“There's a dead man in my bed.“Nick Cave唱著歌。



*translation from my previous article and inspired by ill and Nick Cave.

20100409

Random notes 雜記

To be honest, I don't like to be the sort of people who alway see the dark side of life, but to be super optimistic that looks like a dumber, so silly.

Under this kind of physical exhaustion and mental battle with time and space, I feel really tired; so I try to get things out of my headfrom now on, at least don't let myself too dry.


It's around 2 o'clock at the midnight, I could hear the thunder shouting from far away, with the gloom clouds, faintly. The rains dropped from the distance to my face, and freely transformed its shape. The sound dripping on the roof was so crystal but somehow it made me feel so bothering due to the mechanical action. I did a bit affect by it, but I don't care though, perhaps that's the attitude I given to people in my surroundings.


The downpour suddenly rains so heavy, like a lunatic so crazy; it seems rushing me something, probably I'm too lazy to be, or not to be. Hence, there were flashes and thunders, still raining; then I've got an impulse to read poetry.


---


老實說,我不喜歡太悲觀凡事皆哀的人;但太樂觀又像傻子
似 的,蠢。

在這樣時間性的疲勞轟炸及心理對戰,很累,所以我現在開
始要 放棄不理會,至少對得住自己就好。

現在是凌晨約2點時許,我可以聽到雷聲由遠處飄來,像黑
雲 一般,時有時無;雨點由大變小,忽近忽遠,滴在屋頂上聲 音讓我感覺極其清晰但又機器式的感到不耐。有點影響吧, 可是我卻有點蠻不在乎的態度,也許我給其他人的印象就是如 此。

雨急了起來,瘋狂的越來越烈,似乎催促我什麼,看我慵懶
到 令人生厭;於是有電光,有冬雷,雨還是在這,而我有股衝動想 讀詩。



*translation from my previous prose.

20100408

敘事 Relation

文字絢麗爛漫的表達不如徹夜的促膝常談 
The romantic expression by written words is worse than chatting whole night on the courch

言語之間的禮尚往來不如一番激烈的擁吻實在
 
The charming conversation is surely not comparable with passionate caresses and kisses between each other

感情註定宣洩卻不知流向何方如何流出

The emotion is destined to unleash for someone yet don't know where to go and how to flow


我愛你 我恨你 

 I love you, I hate you

我喜歡你 我討厭你 

 I like you, I dislike you

句句無止盡的對話增添感情的豐富
 
The endless dialogue increases the richness of sentiments

還沒結束 還沒結束

It's not the end, there is no the end









*the translation from my previous poem.

20100406

A night like tonight. 這樣的晚上。


It's been really long time not writing the diary; the so called, penning, words. But can I be able to describe a night like tonight properly by those words? Writing down word by word. Listening the non-stop tracks, press the "print" button repetitively, and the printer is singing its distinctive melody; the stylus pen is making the scratches when I stroking, when I moving around the notebook the sounds is like screaming, my old G4 is panting and buzzing around my surroundings.  

It's all shallow and stereotyped thoughts in my mind, like this room, maintains the unchanging chaos, although I can move away these trash to another room, but where shall I move away those ridiculous thoughts?

Sometimes I saw the lamp was breathing under the lampshade, showing dark and dim, lighting bright and dignity. I recognized perhaps it also sensed something; a night like tonight, the hesitation in writing is even more intensive than typing the letters on the keyboard, and the paper looks feel disturbed by my appearence, which indicates: "please unleash your emotions by those pixels and dots and leave me alone!".

"Save Files Anytime!" The note sticked on the corner of the screen. However, sometimes somehow there is still something that you cannot be able to remember, even you stamped on numerous notes. Right now, the file is in progress, I'm waiting, the computer is suddenly shut down, I restart it, to be fasinated in the quiet instant and redesign my work; while I stop penning I have to close the cap. Until the next moment, which means the dawn, the breakfast shop will open again, the light through the frosted glasses is not merely from the flash, and I don't need to stay in a night like tonight.

---

很久沒有寫日記。所謂的;書寫,文字。可是這樣的晚上能夠適當的講的出來嗎?一筆一劃著。聽著不停音軌的CD,按下重複的print鍵,印表機背後和著。 代用針筆的刷刷聲,移動筆記本的摩擦嘶響;電腦的喘息,嗡嗡叫著。

腦袋裝的都是些陳腐的東西。就像這房間一樣,持續不變的凌亂。不同的只是這挪到那,那挪到哪?


有時候看到光在燈罩下呼吸,一滅一暗,一明一亮。我想那些瞬間它也是感覺到什麼了吧。這樣的晚上。這種寫字遲疑比起敲鍵盤還要緩慢,連紙都不想理人的流 露。好像想單叫人靠著肉眼看不到的螢幕光點宣洩就夠。


“隨時存檔“大大的字貼在螢幕邊角。有時有些卻是再多的便貼也記不住。跑檔案,等待,當機,重開,停頓作稿。停筆時要記得把筆蓋關上。等到早晨,也就是呆 會,豆漿店就開了,那時毛玻璃透的不只是對戶的光;我也不用停留在這樣的晚上。



*translation from my article, photograph by M/M Paris.

20100405

Sea Change


"Why don't you say something?" You said.

When we get through to this present, the meaning in our lives can only be salvaged by listening music. To standing at the middle of the studio and look around the room, I realized that the scene was like the movies playing fast forward, but people's thoughts instead of playing backward; and this sort of weird things repeated again, again and again.

I'm staring the emptiness front of my sight, seeing everything but look through nothing. My eyes is continuously moving. Some people say if there is no barrier in front of our sights, the vision is infinity. Infinity, what a seductive words, how a captivating distance. But how about the "black hole"? Can our souls be able to get through the black hole to transform into its own universe? Or the function of our bodies can only be able to complete our desire?

"I think I never slept enough." I said.

Sleeping. Sleep is the time when subconsciousness playing around, and the dream is the playground. Dream is everything in the opposite of this reality. Dream is the child of the practical thought and illusional body. Dream is Sigismund Freud in repose. Dream is the highest and lowest auras. Dream is the achievement of the wish, or say, the beginning of disillusionment. The dream is you, as well as me.

Perhaps the death is the real dream.

"I have no idea what are you thinking of." You said.

I'm thinking of the noon in that Sunday, the gentle breezes in the air. It blew your hair and your eyebrows, then it blew your eyelashes again your hair. I'm thinking of your breath in that night, it's the minimal tone of whispering. I'm thinking on the platform of the station, while the train lighting on me, I just needed one step forward, then I could cross the boundary between "the dream" and "this reality". I'm thinking why I manipulated his body, when I was dizzy. I'm thinking.

"What happened?" I said.

I may never be able to understand, but I will keep asking. Because searching is the pageboy of eternity, it is the blind behavior to achieve the intention of loyalty. And the eternity is the tears of Juliet, the shoe of Cinderella; it's the mirror in Princess of Snow White, the mask in the Phantom of the Opera. When everything is completed, even afterwards, then we know -- you are not belonged to you, and I'm not belonged to me.

Thus there is nothing to be chased, because we've got everything. and the so called "sea change", that's all about it.

---

 “你為何都不說話?”你說。

到了這種時代,這個時刻,人生很多的意義只能在聽歌時得
到 救贖。站在辦公室中央環顧四周,可以感覺到景象如電影快 轉播放的速率,但人的思想卻是慢轉,這樣弔詭的事一直,一直 和一直重複著。

我看著前方瞪視著。看穿一切卻又看不透世事。眼神飄移但 持 續。人說人的眼光如果沒有屏障遮擋的話,它的極限是無盡 遠。多麼誘人的說辭,多麼魅惑的距離。但黑洞呢?是否靈 魂能夠穿破它自成一個宇宙呢?而肉體只剩完成慾望的功用嗎?

“我想我永遠都睡不夠。”我說。

沈睡。睡眠是潛意識嬉戲幽遊的時辰;而夢是場所。夢是一 切 的反向,在身體力行的白天過後。夢是實際的思想與虛幻的 肉體相交配的子嗣。夢是佛洛伊德的寄託。夢是極high 跟極down的氛圍。夢是願望之實現,更是幻滅的開端。夢是 你,夢是我。

也許死亡才是夢。

“我不知道你在想什麼。”你說。

我想周日的午後,涼涼微風輕輕吹動。吹拂著你的秀髮你的 眉 際,吹動了你的睫毛,你的髮梢。我想那天夜裡你的喘息, 嚶嚶耳語低迷不停。我想在捷運的站台邊上,我只要再跨出 一步等候光亮乍臨就能越過夢的分野。我想當恍神迴盪時,我的 靈魂為何操縱他的身體。我想。

“你怎麼了?”我說。

我應該永遠都不懂。但我還是永遠會問。因為追尋是永恆的 書 僮,它亦步亦趨的是為了成就忠誠的初衷。而永恆是孟姜女 的眼淚,是梁祝的蝴蝶,是白雪公主的鏡子,是歌劇魅影的 面具。當這所有的一切都被實現以後,我們會知道;我就不再是 我,你也不會是你。

沒有了一切都沒有了,因為全部都已擁有。這些所謂海枯石 爛, 不過如此而已。




*the translation of my previous article; inspired by Beck's album "Sea Change".

20100402

我能想到地。 Something I can be able to think of.

差勁尷尬的記憶能力近來日趨嚴重地與我為伍不肯離棄; 雖說時不時對於一些細節敏感處會讓人詫異的刻印在腦裡, 不過瑣碎拼湊的畫面教人不知如何拾起. 會不會過了35歲就逐漸空白呢? 也許那時得像何寶榮說的: "不如我們重新來過..."; 可誰來與"我"完成為"們"? 人生海洋漂蕩久了, 回憶就像來時路, 當想到時卻舉目皆是汪洋一片不知今池是何處; 而"歸屬"還在遙遠莫名地方無法定義.


開懷痛楚在霎那都是最大感應, 但每每總是瞬間閃動. 也許解放壓抑才是釋出記憶的法則; 卻苦笑成了人格特質的標的. 有關好壞, 只能去留待他人來評斷了.


---
I cannot rid of my super great ability in forgetting things, and it is more intensive lately. Although somehow sometimes I'm good to surprise people when I telling something very details, but those fragmental pictures certainly can't help people pick up what I'm talking. Am my memory going blank gradually after 35 years old? Perhaps in that time I have to tell people: "Let's restart again how about that...?" Just like the dialogue in the film "Happy Together". But who is with "me" to be "us"? To roam through in the life for a long while, I feel my memory is like the coming path, when I would like to recall it and to view my surroundings that is an unknown vast of water in the deep blue sea; and "belonging" is a fuzzy term that can't be defined in the far away territory.


Joys and pains are the greatest feelings at those instants, but only, it shows in immediacy. Maybe to release the self-pressure that is the way to free my memory, yet the bitter smile is the representation of my personality. About the positive or negative impression to others, that can only be able to leave for people to judge me.
---


Walking the cow - Daniel Johnston


Try to remember
But my feelings can't know for sure
Tried to reach out
But it's gone


Lucky stars in your eyes
I am walking the cow


I really don't know how I came here
I really don't know why I'm staying here
Oh oh oh...
I am walking the cow


Tried to point my finger
But the wind was blowing me around
In circles
Circles


Lucky stars in your eyes
I am walking the cow


I really don't know what I have to hear
I really don't know what I have to care
Oh oh oh...
I am walking the cow

20100330

The distance of emotion. 情感的距離。

Once I thought about a girl I knew she said: " A man like you whom makes every woman wants to fall in love with you; however, the emotion has never ever become the long term relationship." Meanwhile, I had a smile but also crying, the tears dropped invisibly, following the shape of cheekbone to the lip, ended up at the deepest heart of the breathe.

That night Philip Glass' piano kept playing as the sympathy, chatting with the violin; the high low tones between them was violently. To compare with our silence, the whisper was like a knife full of bloods when everything stopped at the quitest blink.

---
The postcards on the wall are like the faces staring me without any words, seems no emotion but still got something to tell. Sometimes those words, patterns, stripes and colours are lively twist, that instantly inputs all the emotions on myself.
---

Afterward, the girl wasn't there when I was aware of that moment. She disappeared like she never occured in my life. Silently. The cable TV was swiftly flipping the news that'd already showed the fourth times at the midnight, it talked about the election: "the candicate decide to run for the term of the president, or not? or so? or not? or so?...", so seriously; and I cannot be able to find the remote control anywhere else.



想到不知哪個女子說過:“你這樣男人每個女人都想跟你談 場 戀愛;不過都維持不了多久。”而那時笑容在哭泣。淚看不見的 流了下來,沿著嘴角,滴在心裡。

那晚Philip Glass的鋼琴一直在背後和著。與提琴的弦交談著。高 低 音激烈討論著。相對於我們的安靜,悄聲像把刀,在一切停止時 沾滿了血液。

。。。
牆上貼著的Postcard有如一張張朝著你望卻不發一語 的臉孔,沒有情緒又在吐露。有時上面滿佈的文字圖案線條色塊 像活了起來扭曲,一瞬間卻想要全部對你加諸。
。。。

在我回過神時那女子已經不在這裡。好像從沒在我生命中出 現 過一般的消失。無聲無息地。夜晚Cable電視節目裡則 快速閃著今天已出現過第四次的跑馬新聞;選不選不選不選如玫 瑰花瓣摘落的猜測慎重。而我遍尋不到遙控器。




*Translation from previous article.