Mood for a Day.

My lullaby. My tears would drop on the ground slowly in my imagination while I close my eyes and listen the song repetitively. Slowly, the word appears the presence properly. It's like the rain falling on the window in a Summer afternoon, the picture front of my eyes is a misty mystery. I bet that is the vogue illusion between the fingers and strings. Everything has vanished while I listening the melody, even the absence is gone. If a relationship between two persons can be the scene like the nimble finers playing the strings of the guitar, that would be the most beautiful song ever. No need the words, just still, let the emotion sits on the seat comfortably. The minimum and continuous movement between each finger would generate the peaceful aura, that supports me to find the relief in the misery. Like the pale old photos, it cannot help but has to be. The repititive nowadays turn into the past, the future occur before the sudden.

'Therefore?'

'Mm, wonderful.' 'The marveious four steps in the composition.'

'It's solemn and graceful tune.'

'It's great and points out the value of imperfection, just love it.'

我的安魂曲。閉上眼重複聆聽淚水就緩慢的跟畫面一起出現。 緩慢，這兩字適如其份的顯示存在。那有點像夏日午後遭落 雨滴灑的玻璃窗，朦朧暈染呈現。我想是那指節之間的迷離 飄惚上身吧。聽著聽著好像一切都沒了，連沒有都停止。如 果人與人之間的情愫也像吉他弦邊流暢撥動的指尖，那會是 最美麗的一首歌。無須言語，安靜的，情感也能夠舒懷安坐。 這麼般持續與微速相互比擬之下所產生的氛圍，叫人放心 的悲哀。如老照片的昏黃，不得已卻又理所當然。現在的重複成 為過去。未來在靈光剎那之前。

“所以？“

“嗯，好。““起承轉合。“

“肅穆的輕盈。“

“挺好。標示出完美的缺陷。我喜歡。“



*Inspired by Mood For a Day, performed by Steve Howe from Yes. Picture taken at the scene of a fashion catalogue, Taiwan.

Referent. 指涉.

"If I've got one more ticket, would you like to go with me?" "I~, Will~, Be~, Back!"

Sometime the life and dramas are playing cross-over to each other, and hardly identify which is the imitation and which is the real life situation.

'2am passed ten, I have to wake up early to work.' I always remind myself like that. I don't know when is the time that I can say anything I want to and have no hesitation. 'Sucks!' I want to scream to everyone all around the world.

Love makes big trouble, even "the Troy" was caused by the four letters word. If I can be able to feel painful that means I still have the sense of pain. To live in the times that the ADs can only play the homophones, it makes me looking forward all the gossips such as Tom Cruise 'coming-out-of-the-box, caught by his wife' etc. Meantime perhaps my peripheral nerves can be pulsed a bit, and my cheeks can be moving upward.

Mum made a big pot of soup. I drank two small bowls to cheer her up. Deep Dish sings "Mohammend is Jesus", the "what-a-wonderful-world" Ray who is sleeping in the grave. The cruelty is like a toy played by us. If people cannot afford to buy the toy then they will look at the loneliness, they thought if they look at it longer enough, at least they can be a toy to be played.

My polaroid was piss-off, because it could only catch the snap shots. Perhaps I should buy a flight ticket, either going to Iceland or Greenland. The green emergency light pointed towards the "Sin City" desktop on my screen; when I wanted to cry, I thought about where shall I be crying loud instead of who should be the one crying with.

The death scares people due to the unknown, the life causes us suffering through the well-known. Which is just like Al Pacino saying in the movie - "The Devil's Advocate": "Look but don't touch, touch but don't taste; taste, but don't swallow!" Therefore our desires bend to referent, and people rely on the imagination to excite them moving forward.

If there is the chemistry between two persons that would be the perfect relationship. But probably that's why nowadays the chemistry becomes a kind of mystery. I don't even have the consistant ability between my heart and my body, so I can blame nobody but myself. I often imagine the most beautiful song in the world, that should be our joyful moans singing on the bed in our souls.

Perhaps I shall go to sleep, lie down immeditately; maybe I shouldn't drink the cup of coffee, sleep late so frequently. If I can make a wish, I would wish myself as the "Milkman" in Aphix Twin's CD, in that time, I hope I've got a black one to drink.

---

“如果有多張船菲，你會否同我齊走？”“I will be back.”

有時候電影人生、人生電影交錯縱橫就是這麼回事。

兩點多，明天要早起去上班。總是這樣告誡自己。可以大聲無愧說出自己心裡所想的時刻何時才會到呢？sucks！我想吼叫讓全世界都聽到。

TROY的木馬屠城跟阿基理斯腱原來都是愛情惹的禍。難過，只是因為還有知覺。生活於王力宏與黃綠紅在螢幕裡的時代，會讓人期待嚴凱泰出櫃；也許那末梢神 經會跳動一下，屆時，我的兩頰能往上牽動。

媽今天作了桌菜。我湯喝了兩碗。而Deep Dish說Mohammed Is Jesus；敢唱what a wonderful world的雷已逝。冷漠像個玩具被把玩著，玩不起的人就盯著孤單；彷彿盯久盯多之後，至少也能當個玩具。

我的拍立得很Piss Off，因為它在射出時只能捕捉瞬間。也許我該買張機票，去不了冰島至少去綠島。綠色的疏散方向燈指著紅色的sin city；想哭得時候會先想到這是哪裡而不是到誰懷裡哭。

死亡會讓人懼怕是因為未知，生活使人痛苦則是因為感知。就像Al Pacino在魔鬼代言人說的：“可以看卻不能摸，可以摸卻不能嚐。”慾望於是偏向指涉，人們靠著想像過日子。

默契是完美的。因此它才成為傳說。而我跟自己都沒有默契，所以也怪不得別人。我想人間最美麗的一首歌，就是嗯嗯啊啊的歡愉在誕生。

也許我該睡了，也許我該倒了；也許我不該喝咖啡，也許我不該熬夜。如果可以的話我想成為Aphex Twin的Milkman，每天只要咕嚕咕嚕就好；那時，希望能出黑色口味。



*translation from my previous prose, photo taken at Kroller Muller Museum Arnhem, Nederland; inspired by the movies, ADs and music in all of the above.

Such a day. 如此白天。

Tumbling and dazzled,  so I could only be awoke by the sick feeling and give up the sweated bed. Straightened my back, lifted my blanket, sprained my tail bone and neck; the blinking view before I opened the seam of my eyes that was like a hazy spider web, but I was still able to see the drop stained with the eyelashes. Perhaps that was the tear in a mysterious dream and that might be alright.

"The influence and damage of biological changes caused by the illnesses - how to apply the medical treatments to cure of the physical conditions." That would be the subject of today. In parents' concern that would be: "Do you need a ton of tea or water, to sleep some more minutes and take a pill, or go to the doctor later on?" Therefore I needed to lie down once again, must be slept-in the bed more awhile. Such a day.

Then I could barely glance at the grey sky and not be able to see the sun, it's gone unconsciously; and besides the healthy, all the schedules and agenda in this life could be thrown away. Do you know if there were "you" and you are here.

"There's a dead man in my bed." Nice Cave was singing the song.

---

翻著也恍惚，於是只好拋棄黏膩汗水被昏拉起床。挺身，掀起棉被，扭轉頸子，張眼前黑暗與光線交接瞬間的薄霧像蜘蛛絲；但我還看得到沾在睫毛上的水珠，也許是不知道哪個夢的淚那也還不壞吧。

“疾病代表的身體機能停頓與破壞之影響及其後續處理方法。“今天的中心德目如果以父母親的角度來說應該是“感冒了要不要去看醫生吃個藥多喝水休息呀？“於是我又倒下，得賴個床。如此白天。

然後不知不覺已經看不見太陽只能瞧到灰色的天而人生上除健康外的各種事項只好先放下。你知道嗎要是有你知道你在的話。

“There's a dead man in my bed.“Nick Cave唱著歌。



*translation from my previous article and inspired by ill and Nick Cave.

Random notes 雜記

To be honest, I don't like to be the sort of people who alway see the dark side of life, but to be super optimistic that looks like a dumber, so silly.

Under this kind of physical exhaustion and mental battle with time and space, I feel really tired; so I try to get things out of my headfrom now on, at least don't let myself too dry.

It's around 2 o'clock at the midnight, I could hear the thunder shouting from far away, with the gloom clouds, faintly. The rains dropped from the distance to my face, and freely transformed its shape. The sound dripping on the roof was so crystal but somehow it made me feel so bothering due to the mechanical action. I did a bit affect by it, but I don't care though, perhaps that's the attitude I given to people in my surroundings.

The downpour suddenly rains so heavy, like a lunatic so crazy; it seems rushing me something, probably I'm too lazy to be, or not to be. Hence, there were flashes and thunders, still raining; then I've got an impulse to read poetry.

---

老實說，我不喜歡太悲觀凡事皆哀的人；但太樂觀又像傻子

似 的，蠢。

在這樣時間性的疲勞轟炸及心理對戰，很累，所以我現在開 始要 放棄不理會，至少對得住自己就好。

現在是凌晨約2點時許，我可以聽到雷聲由遠處飄來，像黑 雲 一般，時有時無；雨點由大變小，忽近忽遠，滴在屋頂上聲 音讓我感覺極其清晰但又機器式的感到不耐。有點影響吧， 可是我卻有點蠻不在乎的態度，也許我給其他人的印象就是如 此。

雨急了起來，瘋狂的越來越烈，似乎催促我什麼，看我慵懶 到 令人生厭；於是有電光，有冬雷，雨還是在這，而我有股衝動想 讀詩。



*translation from my previous prose.

墮落的味道

苦笑, 煎熬與歡愉的參半情緒, 表達在臉上的肌肉, 構成一幅矛盾抽象的... 組織, 或說一群不能協調自己的細胞, 靠著抽慉證明自己的存在. 我想表達什麼? 對於那些與這邊, 指涉或坦言. 實在不是不能也不該用文字語言來傳遞的這種種; 也許科學怪人的傳說不再需要關在所謂的閣樓謄寫, 這世道張眼所及舉步所跨都正上演著一齣齣... 你名之的荒謬劇.

不站懸崖就踩繩索, 亦可兩者並置. 對於極端的事物表現出莫名地上手, 身邊總有墮落的味道. 仍然叫不出, 只怕做不到. 原來飽脹不斷的失落才是最陰損上癮的迷幻藥.

框架

隨著時間越來越近日子越來越短的到來，我的心情像這相片中的飛機般一股腦兒地往既定目標前進；看似明朗，實則被框架於這灰黯矩形之中，找尋不著一抹顏色。無法動彈也沒得逃脫。光彩，只能義無反顧。

擊鍵之樂

書寫真是件愉悅的事。將思緒收集完整轉化為文字完美的呈現彷彿是一種印證文明的儀式；而我樂此不疲。在今日不再筆墨紙硯的敲打聲響之下，相對是少了點文人的逸緻風情；可辭彙簡陋的人肉記憶體卻多一些後援詞庫，於是也不得不臣服於科技的便利與廣泛了。

P.S. 最喜歡的serif字體之一開了間旅社卻用現代感十足的sans serif作為店招，想來Bodoni先生地下有知也只能啼笑皆非。

Neutral is my middle name.

我感覺失去了激情的能力。很平淡沒有欲求的生活著。像隻在這國度尋覓不易的螻蟻一般，沒有存在感的度日；或說像個木頭人似的，倚靠在牆邊任人忽略。好多時候複雜的思緒在腦中揮舞可瞬間於無意識裡流逝，那些游移飄動的妄想與遐思在紀錄之後卻無法成為在夢中編織的映像；是夢想太過真確又或是現實超越那戲劇性。雖說早就習慣了這種種，但總有所奢望地預設來到異鄉的變化。沒有不好的發生，只是總有保留口吻的疑惑。

當然這並非有所企求的哀號；不過無奈就像心頭肉，梗在那兒教人無法置之不理去承受，久了，又是一次自我的罪與罰。

歸究

我想一切的原因都出於自己。

Visual Mobilization

a
「這種動員的性質短暫、流動、易逝又表淺：“出現了一種和表面（而非根柢）的連繫，連結拼貼而不是深入的作品，連結層層疊疊借來的影像而非精心製作的成品，連結一種崩毀的時空感，而非扎扎實實形塑成的文化產物”（David Harvey - The Condition of Postmodernity, 1989: 61)。Harvey對此有所解釋，並且專注於末者（時空崩毀）的特徵。他提出，當代資本主義自我組織的方法的確在壓縮時間並崩解空間。資本主義在他的論述中，在組織生產技術、勞動市場以及消費利基市場等方面越來越具有“彈性”，而這有賴於資本和訊息日增的流動性。另外，消費的利基市場變得重要後，商品銷售中的廣告、風格和展示也變得越來越重要。在他馬克思主義式的說明中，以上兩項特徵都反應在文化的事物上 - 在他們膚淺、短暫的性格上 - 所以說末者不過是“晚期資本主義的文化邏輯（the cultural logic of late capitalism）”。」 - Visual Methodologies - An Introduction to the Interpretation of Visual Materials by Gillian Rose

而在所謂後現代之後的當代視覺脈絡群像中，我想這些短暫、易逝的影像更建設在一種電子化的游移捕捉；對於時間移動的焦慮，以及在群聚叢生的網路組織當中人們對於資訊的渴求與貪慾。“click”的作用在於視覺訊息的連續追蹤；以便人們得以應用在不時之需的紀錄。設計何嘗不是如此？要求更鮮艷、更綿密、更豐腴的色彩，圖繪，字型及結構之下，實體化的功能已經被架空在光影閃爍的螢幕之中。資本主義快速摞取的貪婪個性對於文化的累積只能置於經濟成長與品牌體驗的重複裡，而這些企圖讓洞悉者不過再增列一條資本主義墮落與不堪的罪狀罷了。

belief

For the first time I realize people who has the belief that is truly unbreakable faith in their mind.

Endless

The loneliness is not you been alone at your empty room instead which is you've been a crowded surrounding but felt the speechless.

minilogue

與“自己”對話。

在minimalism裡我感到平靜。不知為何，且不只是從耳內竄出，我感到音符貫穿腦中又環繞於我全身；彷如海中孤舟漂蕩似的。安定的不平穩感。就像這裡的天氣一般；冷竣使我昏沉，寒窣叫我清醒。在撰寫論文或設計作品時，我不明不白的專注，也不知不覺的分心。有時候會感到孤獨，而大多時間則是不知何以的追逐。

找尋的常是無以名狀的事物。無法定義，不能言出。

傳意

即將渡過第一個未與家人同慶的農曆新年。可念念不忘母親的年夜菜餚呀；也只能東施傚顰地竭盡做出材料相似可滋味如兩地距離般遙遠的家鄉味。母親茲茲在念的莫忘添衣冬季易著涼；而在燒了三天跟異鄉病菌搏鬥過後，暫且勝利的存活了下來。且戰且走，欲走還留。人生的病痛還有無數回，以我藥罐子的體質更是不得再忘母親叮嚀隨時需要武裝準備。

今年是牛年，想來母親又是帶著哥的大小傢俬去大神小廟處祈求他終年平安、事業順遂發大財。而更會挨著父親的膀子央其同去；畢竟同屬犯太歲年，這諸事順序可是馬虎不得。算算，爹及哥也都邁入人生的另一個新階段了。而也許也會為遙遠的幼子求上一籤，祝其學業高升，早日學成歸國光耀門楣，使其於家族中抬頭挺胸，面上有光。

今夜是小年夜，家裡應該在做最後準備的打掃整潔。抹抹地板、擦擦窗几；掃掃陽台、拖拖房間。抖落窗簾邊的灰，撢下書櫃上的塵。一束鮮花置於餐台上，一付春聯貼在門兩旁。書冊排放整齊，器皿堆疊正位。兒子呀～，幫媽搬一下這台電視機；諸事如此，總如往年。

歲過一歲，年過一年；祈父母長命百歲、事事順心，求兄長事業長紅、永續高峰。願這影中信鴿能將我誠摯心意就這樣一站接一站的，確實地傳過去。

（被）

痛恨藝術的狗；只想摸頭的我。