20100417

Though. 了.


It's finished, though. The facial cream given by my ex-girlfriend was finished recent days, and thrown into the trash can though. Maybe the scent will stay in the room on my body for few more days, but it's going to become the part of memory, waiting for someone who has the same smell passing me by to recall the scent in my mind. Sometimes you can gradually forget the sentiments on someone, but about those flavors, which is just like the tasty Cantonese restaurant, where always attracts me to go there again. However, how about if the people never shared same commons with me in my life but only paased by on the streets? How can we retain the repetitive sensibility, or say, to forget?

Got flu though. I have to absorb plenty of water to overwhelm the virus, then take the numerous tissues to let the virus running out with my nose. I have no idea can we talk about relationships by this sort of procedure; or shall we yell with Lenny Kravitz to sing the 'Let love rule'? If we have to define those morals and manners by the National law, like some political talk show guests saying; how about love? Or like? And ambiguous emotions? With favorable impressions? If the sight can clarify something from our souls, then the smile should be able to categorize something else.


Going to work, though. There are always matches happening at the office. No matter you would like to participate or play within it. If you are not dating with A girl, either you are teasing with B lady; otherwise, you would have had the relationship with C man. This kind of food chains game makes me hate the species of human being. If animals could classify the nature, they probably would consider us as the harmful insect. The state of assigned construction is pretty much the same as the system of bureaucracy, sometimes, it excites me the desire back to the free lancer life.


It's typhoon though. Its name is as same as the hurtful one from the six years ago. At lease the weater report said so. Would the coincidental names occur in our relationships time by time? Does the way she/he walk, the tension she/he make, and the tears she/he drop that is same as the last time? Do the days she/he stay as same as the last one? Can we prepare this love/disaster prevention beforehand? How can we return the regular life after we finished this time? Nobody knows, like the weather report, it always has the great faults when we need the precise prediction. I brought the umbrella but sunny, I wanted to have a picnic but raining; I wore the wool coat then coming sunshine, I put on a vest then fucking windy.


I still miss somehow though. I'd had the missing feeling. But perhaps it's kind of usage of loneliness. While I miss something then the feeling transforms to loneness, when I feel lonely then I start to missing someone again. A transformation of the triangle quiz. Sometimes I just want to listen Thom Yorke singing the happy tone like Tahiti 80, if he can be able to sing the wonderful tone, then I can give up the blue sarrow.


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用完了。前女友送的洗面乳前陣子擠出最後一滴汁液後,被
我 丟到回收筒了。也許味道還會殘留幾天;但我想之後也會像 回憶一樣,等待偶爾擦身而過的嗅覺重疊吧。有時候你可以 對某人的想法或記憶逐漸淡忘,但那種種滋味,就像我總會 再去的那間大排檔,始終會再來吃一次。可是未曾交集過的呢? 那些層層堆積的感觸該如何保留,或說怎麼遺忘?

感冒了。必須大量攝取水份以淹沒病毒,再抽無數衛生紙讓
其 隨水分流出。不知道感情可否像這樣擁抱程序;或說該跟Lenny Kravitz一起聲嘶力竭的唱出Let Love Rule。如果應該把某些道德規範如楊憲宏所講訂於法律之下的話。那愛呢?或者喜歡?還是曖昧?又如好感?要是眼神能夠說明什麼,那笑容也得歸類一下吧。

上班了。在公司總是會有種種配對流連發生。不管你要或不
要, 玩或不玩。如果你不跟A女在一起就得跟B女有牽連;不 然,你也跟C男發生關係。這種像似食物鏈的遊戲讓人討厭 人類這種禽獸。我想動物要是也在評比的話,會覺得我們才 是一群害蟲吧。這種組織分配的形態非常之權力意識;有時,讓 我忍不住想回歸無冕生活。

颱風了。與六年前讓人受傷的同名同性格。至少氣象局這樣
說 的。是否戀愛也會出現這樣相似的男男女女在你周遭來來去 去呢?她/他行走的姿態/路徑任性/風吹的級數淚滴/雨 下的程度是否相同呢?相處/停留的日子天數是否一樣呢? 我們可否提前作好戀愛/風暴的防戀/颱準備呢?結束之後 又該如何恢復往昔的規律呢?沒人知道,就像氣象預報;總 是偏差值居多。該打傘就放晴,要郊遊偏驟雨;穿外套豔陽天, 著背心刮冷風。

想念了。我對於想念的感覺很思念。但也只基於一種習慣的
寂 寞而已。想念習慣寂寞,寂寞習慣想念。一種三角習題的變形。 有時候也不過想要Thom Yorke唱的跟Tahiti 80一樣開心。如果他能夠如此開懷,那我會捨棄憂傷吧。



*translation from my previous prose, photo taken at the cinema museum, Berlin.