阿姆斯特丹的斟與酌

分別跟不同時來訪的朋友起了大小程度的口角。老實說也不是第一次。但隱隱思考是否自己一直以來太過地謹慎與自閉，導致相處上總是予人緘默困難。雖說自認還算是個隨和的人，不過總是有莫名的原則。也許交代跟默契上總是自以為的認定無誤，可總在事後很多懊悔。無論對錯，出現負面的情緒感覺就是輸了。

是個孤寡的人。不願惜只能抱怨，不管自我或他者。眼神流竄蓬勃，開花結果沒有。愛情，是攜子之手的晴天泡沫，轉瞬不破也飛走。成家立業之實現僅是辭典成語的編彙。擁有龐雜計畫藍圖，卻人生舞台程咬金殺進殺出。在幻象之後，希望夢想出頭。

Photo: the hall way of 2nd floor @ OT301.

Applications and interviews.

All the studios request the command in Dutch. However, they all want to be internationally successful in the business and teams; moreover, they all like to have a piece of Chinese pie if they could (perhaps that's why they wanted to see me then refused me personally). But man, I'm from Taiwan, an island you don't even be able to point out the position on the map. A country which has not admitted by United Nations (yeah so you don't know me I can't blame you). A nation whom has probably 30 friendships around the world (mostly in the Middle America and Africa; yeah yeah, you called them 'the third world'). And we are the tribe of people whom had been colonized by Dutch, Spanish, Japanese, American and Chinese (what a great influence by those spectacular civilizations).

So do you know how precious I am on the Earth!?

孱

頭痛欲裂. 並非釘刺或絞痛, 而是不斷腫脹, 彷彿腦漿擠推頭骨, 頭骨又壓迫頭皮似的緊繃漲撐; 又像是鼓滿氣的汽球, 卻不知是下一秒鐘還下一甲子才爆炸. 兩側太陽穴與眉間像玩地鼠機般地隨意探出腫脹感, 連帶頸肩也痠麻了起來. 有時會影響到手臂上肢, 手指的感觸都遲鈍了好些. 真不知是我太孱弱還是身體太剛強. 也許操縱這身體的大腦中樞打算來場同歸於盡的逆襲吧. 

 

靈魂, 這時一點都派不上用場.