放肆的午后

沒有人煙。出現不斷重複的對話。誠心地漂流闖蕩仿效交際應酬的口語字句轉化為孤寡的生命體在單獨凝結的氣泡中成長。養分，從來不被給予亦不匱乏。我走下梯又跑上了樓卻完全枉顧時間流失的快活與痛楚。自己不知道。沒有人知道。快活都明瞭。痛楚也明瞭。菸圈的影子極其微薄與孱弱和焦慮及毛躁融為一氣；可沒得跟，蹤。沒，得失蹤。沒，無影無蹤。而我的拿捏永遠走在身後。

Joyful is companied with the painful, happiness is belonged to faithless.

The unpredictable anxiety occurs in my mind for quite long period. I cannot wipe it whether I attempt to or not. I feel the alienation, yet I can only do nothing but wait it to pass away. In recent time, this sort of condition is more obvious when I hanged out with my friends. And the joyful is companied with the painful, happiness is belonged to faithless.

Although I can pretend that I do not care or nothing happen, but the emotion that I try to hide harder which reveals the contrast to be more clear. Every single day I am thinking about the appropriate position of my ego, but to brief who I am that is not as easy as a pie. Especially in the present of my living time, for my hundred years of contemporary of mine.

The isolation. The biggest possession of my own. The most valuable experience that I can go through to people. Today, I recognized I am a worm in the sealed pupa when I woke up in the morning, and the opening date is discouraged unknown day, or even the complete darkness night. The only possible method that I can break the hole which may be as freedom as my imagination whether I am going to become the moth or the butterfly.

I watched the movie "control" in the cinema this noon again. In addition, I can still sense the determination of suicide in the gloomy scene. The dismal is behind in Ian Curtis' voice, and each piece of lyrics shows the depress. Perhaps Ian just sang before our generation to announce the dour mood of nowadays, and our confusion is our illusion indeed.