Ships

Sometimes I wish to be a mere brush of paint in Bob Ross' joyful painting, that would be easier to live in this world I bet. Too many temptations, too less satisfications; too much in getting lost, too low while going down.

I don't have the gang of bang. A group of bodies yelling to do everything. Sharing the alike pot or cursing the same movie. It doesn't mean that I didn't make good friends. I did. I've known some superb friends, no matter in Taiwan or in the Netherlands. But if you ask me 'who is your best friend/gang in your life?' Then I could only say nothing but a stiff smile.

I'm politely making relationships. To deal with people by kind but distant attitute. People like me in the first glance most of time. Although most of them have recognized it gradually: 'ohh, he is a such nice guy, but how can I share/be shared the life with/by him?'

I miss Ma, a friend of mine, who used to be a great free lance graphic deisgner, but went to a mental hostpital and lost the contact eventually, before I left overseas. I thought about Bin, an old fellow we knew each other when we were fourteen, now he works in an antique shop more than ten years, but still unable to get the promotion by his boss. I dreamed of Jam, a high school mate, who makes the stage properties for TV Ads for living, rarely to see emotions on his face but is a wonderful company. I still see Niu, my lovely sister, a naughty furry creature I picked up on the street in the '80s, passed away couple years ago, and now sleeps somewhere inside the mountain behind my home.

Some people you know you can only be able to share a certain thing with them, but you would like to beside of them to chat bare one thing, whether the time is playing the trick or not. And occasionally, you would realize, the so called 'relationship' is a task for a period of time, to maintain it that is depending on your struggle and their attempts; the glitch happens all the time in this 'time machine'.

But you know what? The loneliness is always in ferment.