Suddenly, I realize the meaning of people crying.

Why am I crying so? I thought I am not so emotional anymore, but the tears still drop by to the cheek, unstoppable, til the coner of the mouth. Friends said I always constrain myself. I always give back a smile to them. I realize somehow people cannot be judged by a simple way, especially from a easy result.

I miss almost everything in my home town. However, I am also glad I can push this far away distance to look through whether my surroundings or myself. I wrote the letter to my brother. He is a tough guy, as same as all my family members no matter who is male or female. Last time I saw the tears droped from his eye that is more than fifteen years ago, and I understood I could never be the way of his crying by any sort of method.

Now I sit front the dining table of my Dutch home, the song in my iTune is frequently playing with slight winds; and I am on the road which cannot return such as the time would not be switched back again. Independence day, Elliott Smith is singing the meanful lyrics with magnetic sounds.

Exist

Somehow I felt I could only write down all the vocabularies and phrases that I knew; with regard to those feelings and vibrations that is not my oral abilities to describe it.

I listen music all the times when I am doing any kind of activities. Trying to listen music until I have had the disgusting earwax. Sometimes when you are hearing one song like you see a word long long times; it transforms to other substance. Or like at another afternoon, you recognize youself is not your own ego. The face on the mirror looks like a strange thief stealing your unique body then you attempt to enter yourself by numerous methods but it fails.

The disaster is as same as you cannot identify with youself.

After the bath, the look of resurrection makes me want to stop the times at the moment forever. I would love to take the bath with you at the meantime if I could. Two naked bodies match up perfectly and precisely. Meanwhile it does not matter to feel about good or bad, yes or no, true or fake and beauty or ugly; the love is going to become the black hole, then at the same time the black hole has the meaning to exist.

*Translative version from the used article.